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Post by Cory Raymond on Mar 23, 2014 15:12:22 GMT -6
My imagination couldn't encompass a world without you, or finding you that way, with yesterday's newspaper, cold coffee and oatmeal waiting for you at your solitary table.
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Post by Daniel Mark Extrom on Mar 23, 2014 19:57:56 GMT -6
Hi Cory,
Interesting image.
What does it mean? Forgive me. I like to understand what the writer means, which makes me a very bad poetry student.
It seems like someone died???
Dan
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Post by Cory Raymond on Mar 23, 2014 20:29:29 GMT -6
Hi Dan,
Yes, it does seem like someone died, doesn't it? What I intended to convey was the bleak reality of finding that a loved one who had been living alone (and very lonely) had also died alone, somewhat unexpectedly.
I think death almost always surprises us when it hits close to home. Sometimes it just surprises more than others.
Cory
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Post by Daniel Mark Extrom on Mar 24, 2014 8:35:28 GMT -6
Aah. Then I sort of got it. I'm slow that way. I'm very literal, and so metaphor or descriptive terms that do not sharply define the subject or the thesis seem to get lost on me. I wish it wasn't so . . .
It was a bleak piece, and this kind of thing sadly happens all too often.
Thanks for posting it, Cory!
Dan
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Post by Cory Raymond on Mar 24, 2014 9:02:24 GMT -6
Hi Dan,
I think you probably got it the first time. It wasn't a metaphor for anything. It was, as the saying goes, what it was. If I'd said:
"I came to your house expecting Grandma's delicious cookies and found you sprawled dead on the bathroom floor, with your breakfast from yesterday still waiting on the kitchen table"
well, that really wouldn't have been much of a poem, would it? Well, OK, perhaps it could be a poem. For me, though, part of the beauty of poetry is in what's left unsaid. The mystery of not quite knowing. Of being able to feel the discomfort the narrator must have felt and yes, the bleakness of the scene.
It's not a matter of which poetic style is right or wrong. Like peacock or chicken, it's all a matter of taste or personal preference.
I appreciate your comment and the fact that you were interested enough to stay with me!
Cory
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Post by bluebirdspoetry2 on Mar 24, 2014 12:37:00 GMT -6
hello Cory -
very nice imagery which in its concise and cooling brevity sends me back to the first morning after my Father passed Your words offer up a miniature still life - grammar with granola
Your words inspire me to write of my own experience;
Aftergone by dr Todd harris
loneliness-chilled coffee broken bread staling burned toast's smoke solitude modeling morning's lonely cloak
oatmeal puffed up ground flakes sailing dry leaves' frosted tumble early light eschewing sugared words
one cold chair tufted pad once warmed regaling even amidst befogged dawns
uprisen morning moon set down leaving empty another space shadowing one less breakfast setting place
eastward's cloudless mountains' Sierra morning high horizon's mirror waving westward back one uplifted hand unmet restyled silence coveting plainchant's child
affection absorbing untamed entropy's toll one less beating heart's embrace yesterday's talking ne'er retold wilting remakes every unpressed flower's face ---------------------------------
My grandfather always read the paper at breakfast until cancer ended their acquaintance.
I hope you enjoy my poem as much as I have been transported by yours. It just struck a chord in me......
warmest regards, dr Todd
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Post by Brigid Briton on Mar 24, 2014 12:51:56 GMT -6
Hi bluebird,
I'm glad to see you're getting out and about, and engaging with others here on the forum, although this seems to be rather a sad meeting place, revisiting the death of loved ones and all.
Let me suggest that you post your poem in a separate thread and then link to it in your reply to Cory.
That way, not only will yours be easy to find, and get the individual attention it deserves, this thread will be preserved for comments on Cory's work.
Not to worry about the one-post-per-category-per-day rule. Consider it waived in this case.
Brigid
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Post by bluebirdspoetry2 on Mar 24, 2014 13:51:25 GMT -6
In my 40 plus years of poeting, not all of my observations about other's work have turned poetical ------ but when they do, personal poems are written on the spot when someone's words move me - the resulting poem is very personal to that person's words and the person that inspired me - I am not showboating or trying to promote my work in the face of another's inspiration - this may seem unusual but it has always been my way of embracing another person's thoughts and then letting them carry me. It is the way my head and heart respond, the way I have always been....but I want to respect your format, so what is the procedure I need to follow to provide a link between commentary and whatever poem may be inspired at the moment --- I would appreciate a separate email on this so that I don't further rock the boat - I am very passionate about poetry - it is transporting. But creating controversy is not my intent. You know, poetry is a book of solitudes - because so seldom can you do it with another person as a shared event. So I try to connect when I feel a verbal connection.
To quote Lewis Lewis Carroll: SOLITUDE I love the stillness of the wood: I love the music of the rill: I love to couch in pensive mood Upon some silent hill. Scarce heard, beneath yon arching trees, The silver-crested ripples pass; And, like a mimic brook, the breeze Whispers among the grass. Here from the world I win release, Nor scorn of men, nor footstep rude, Break in to mar the holy peace Of this great solitude.........
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Post by Daniel Mark Extrom on Mar 24, 2014 13:58:43 GMT -6
Hi Cory!
Point taken! My cheek hurts where you slapped me!
You are quite right that there must be a mystery, else why read. And that is why what's left unsaid is so important.
But now I will be afraid in the future to ask what was meant, because I like answers, if only to understand if I got it right or not, or a little right or not.
Maybe I'm not well-suited for this!
Peacocks are nice to look at. I'd rather eat chicken, though I really have no basis for comparison.
Dan
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Post by Cory Raymond on Mar 24, 2014 15:34:25 GMT -6
Wow, there's so much going on here that I don't know who to respond to first! But I guess chronological order might be the way to go. So, bluebird, welcome to the forum. I notice that you actually joined before I did, but I don't think I've seen you around. You, I would have remembered! I am so honored that you wrote a poetic response to my poem as well as giving some more traditional remarks. I'm also very impressed that you were able to craft such a fine poem on the spur of the moment. I guess a lot of it must have to do with my poem recalling a very painful similar experience in your own life.
I'm not offended at all by your poem being posted on the same thread as mine. I think it's sort of neat, actually, but I can understand Brigid's thinking here. I've read the forum rules, which are minimal, to say the least, so think that this is rather a folkway than a rule.
I've looked at the other poems you've posted and am quite intrigued. I think that you will be an excellent addition to the little community here. You definitely march to the beat of a different drummer.
Brigid: I understand the reasons for having bluebird's response poem on a separate thread, and I appreciate your looking out for my interests, however, I'm not bothered in any way by his poem being here.
Dan: Please consider yourself un-slapped, since slapping wasn't my intention. I was just trying to point out that all of us have different styles when it comes to the sort of poetry we write and the sort that resonates with us the most when we read it. I meant no offense, honest. I can lay my poetic cards on the table at times, when the spirit moves me, making everything crystal clear, but I also like to leave a little something to the imagination at times too.
The written word is subject to all sorts of internal filters. I can see how you might have taken my words in a way other than how I intended them. Since words on a page have no inflection, and no facial expression to go with them, you'll just have to trust me when I say "slapping" you was the farthest thing from my mind. I'll try to be more clear in my comments from now on. (Can't promise the same about my poetry!)
Cory
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Post by Brigid Briton on Mar 24, 2014 19:29:53 GMT -6
Hi Cory, Dan and bluebird,
It's been a long time since I've seen so much lively interchange. It's encouraging to me because it shows that you all care about engaging with each other. Bravo to all three of you!
bluebird, you have an amazing gift to be able to response instantly in poem form to another's work. I will, indeed, send you a PM telling you exactly how to go about the technicalities of linking a new thread to an existing one.
In the case of this thread, let's leave it as it is, but in the future, I hope that having to take the extra step to create a new thread, won't interfere with your creative spark.
Cory was right in saying that this is more of a folkway than a rule. Since we have attempted not to put too many restrictions on what people do here, it can be difficult to know just what is considered "right". This makes me realize that I perhaps need to do a bit of reworking of the forum rules to make things a bit more clear.
Please don't be concerned about "rocking the boat" or "creating controversy". We're all poets, here, after all, and all of our little boats are pretty familiar with the sea of controversy anyway.
I'm very glad that all three of you are here!
Brigid
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Post by Daniel Mark Extrom on Mar 24, 2014 20:40:35 GMT -6
Dear Brigid, Cory and Bluebird,
Welcome, Bluebird! Very much like what you wrote. And on spur of moment. Wow!
Brigid, thank you for all you do! Really!
Cory, I was actually making fun of myself, and I really didn't feel slapped. Many many years ago, after writing a number of papers that won some accolades from some professors, and having always felt some faint desire to be "a writer," or maybe a lawyer, I took the GRE exam either the week before the LSAT's or the week after. I forget which. I always felt I had a pretty good vocabulary, at least in comparison with most of my friends, but maybe my bar was a little low! But the GRE cured me quickly. One major part of the exam was the "relationship" section, with 55 questions like this: Apple is to fruit as: A. Baseball is to green onions; B. Water is to beer; C. Beer is to water; D. Sex is to everything. E. All of the above. F. A,B,C and D, and who cares about the rest.
The trouble was, I could see valid relationships in all of them (especially D and E and F), and I couldn't pick the "best" answer. I wanted the right answer.
I had a problem with those questions because I tried to get them right, and thus only finished about 20 of the 55. I really wanted to get them right! I knew the words, but I could not get the nuance of the relationships, and I think that anyone who was able to answer 85% correctly should be poet laureate and a Nobel prize winner and a Pulitzer prize winner too.
Needless to say, I went to law school instead, where there were few correct answers - just arguments. Many of the richest lawyers are so comfortable with ambiguity because ambiguity is where they make their money. But their job isn't to find the right answer. It's to represent their clients to the best of their ability; and so the best ones can take ambiguity and make an argument that isn't apparently ambiguous but in fact seems totally, and unarguably, right, no matter how much ambiguity might be present. And, in fact, the best ones can make the exact opposite argument tomorrow on the same facts and the same law and be just as effective. Most of us can see those arguments on both sides, but we have a harder time making the arguments from both sides of the plate. (Note: baseball metaphor for lawyers!)
As you can tell, I am not rich. And don't deserve to be.
And even here, you can tell that I want to know the right answer. (I was raised in a very religious home. That may explain something!)
And so, where poets and lawyers love ambiguity and nuance, I want to know what the right answer is, even at the cost of not finishing the test.
I'm doomed!!! Because, of course, there is not always a right answer, and maybe there never is, and that makes me uncomfortable, which really is my problem and not the problem with poets and even with lawyers.
So your earlier response was exactly right! And it was funny! And it was not ambiguous either. And I liked that about it!
And the peacocks and chicken part: there is a lawyer in you somewhere! You effectively argued both sides, and it was worthy of a Nobel Peace Prize!
As my recently departed, and very wise, mother in law liked to say: "No two people do things the same way." She was smart.
I need some serious help, don't I?
Dan
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Post by Cory Raymond on Mar 24, 2014 20:58:57 GMT -6
Yes, Dan, you do! I wanted to post a picture here of Peanuts' Lucy in her little booth that says "Psychiatric Help 5 Cents", but I was afraid I'd get sued for copyright infringement. I get the idea that you may, just possibly, worry too much!
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Post by Daniel Mark Extrom on Mar 25, 2014 6:43:10 GMT -6
Hi Cory, Guilty as charged! This morning, I asked my wife: "Your mom used to say, 'No two people do things the same way' right?" My wife said, "Well, what she always said was, 'No two people do things alike.'" I thought about editing that quote in my last post so that I quoted her correctly, but decided to leave it be! I'm getting better already! Lucy is great! Thanks for recommending her! Dan
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Post by Fire Monkey on Apr 10, 2014 0:09:14 GMT -6
First I wanted to address the poem itself, since that is the point of starting a thread [though certainly not the only value in a thread] - I thought it was a very good poem, a sad one to be sure, but well written, capturing the thought/feeling/situation both quickly in a few words and eloquently in my opinion. Now, I do tend to be a long winded person at times but I also appreciate the value of being able to take a snapshot in a few words and this poem does that well and it give the poem a quiet power. Now on the matter of different ways in which minds work - Dan, you may be more literal minded but that does not make you less poetic - it just suggests a general direction in which your poetry and poetic appreciation is more likely to be exhibited and that is fine. Just as some people feel the need for strict structure and precise rhythms and rhymes whereas others abandon such things all together. I do know what you mean when you say you like answers as I have known many people who depend totally on exact answers and in poetry that will sometimes leave you with problems in grasping some works, but it is always worth trying as the trying itself expands the mind. Sometimes though, you may find the the questions are more important than the answers. Now, as for the question of poems added to threads - always a tricky thing because the point of a thread is the discus the poem that starts the thread and so introducing another poem tends to take away from the purpose of the thread. Now there are exceptions in which one is actually adding to the thread and to the response and contributing to the person who wrote the first poem rather than distracting from them while doing it in poetic form but one needs to be very careful and in general it is best to avoid it and if a response comes in poetic form, to start a separate thread and link the thread while giving a simple response. No doubt this can be a grey area but that is why it is generally best to avoid it in this manner. It's much like getting off on discussions of the concept behind the poem - which of course is bound to happen to some degree - but past a certain point one needs to create a new thread because otherwise the poem that the current thread is about gets forgotten. And on that note - I think I have gone as far as I should without starting a new thread
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Post by Brigid Briton on Apr 10, 2014 6:41:58 GMT -6
Hi Tim, Glad to see you back. Hope all is well with you guys. How like you to weigh in with wisdom and your typical wit. The situation seems to be resolved now but your two cents worth is always worth much more than that!
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Post by Cory Raymond on Apr 14, 2014 9:03:35 GMT -6
Thanks to everyone who commented on this little poem and on this thread. Never did so few words generate so many more!
Cory
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saore
Junior Member
Posts: 91
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Post by saore on Apr 15, 2014 7:03:34 GMT -6
wonderful poem Cory, very touching!
Sergio
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Post by Cory Raymond on Apr 15, 2014 8:12:20 GMT -6
Thank you Sergio. Your opinion means a lot to me. Cory
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Post by Fire Monkey on Apr 16, 2014 10:44:58 GMT -6
Well, poetry is suppose to spark reaction - isn't it
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