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Haiku 1
Mar 11, 2011 12:59:06 GMT -6
Post by daphnepurpus on Mar 11, 2011 12:59:06 GMT -6
son’s rare tweets with granddaughter news bittersweet
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Haiku 1
Mar 12, 2011 0:13:25 GMT -6
Post by dustandwater on Mar 12, 2011 0:13:25 GMT -6
Haha! I love the sentiment here.
I moved from England to Indonesia over two years ago and I think this short poem really sounds out my parents' feelings.
I can sense an element of sorrow or loss here too, perhaps. I certainly didn't intend to laugh at that.
You've covered quite a lot of emotion in so few words and for that, I applaud you.
I must admit to being a bit of a purist when it comes to poetic form, a thing that has come under discussion on this forum a couple of times. In that vein, I would like to extend a challenge to write another Haiku with a similar sentiment but include a reference to weather or season.
You may of course feel free to ignore my challenge and treat me with contempt. However, if you take me up on it I shall be very happy to read it.
Keep up the good work.
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Haiku 1
Mar 12, 2011 18:39:01 GMT -6
Post by Brigid Briton on Mar 12, 2011 18:39:01 GMT -6
Hi Daphne, This is very clever and cute. It is most definitely a non-traditional or modern haiku, in which just about anything goes, provided you say it in seventeen syllables, or even less. I love that it's so timely. Now excuse me a moment, why I have a word with "dustandwater": it's fine to be a purist, but to be really pure about haiku you'd have to write it in Japanese! There is much discussion about what makes a "real" haiku. I think, if you will Google "haiku" or especially "modern haiku" you'll find that there's not really anything to object to in this one. While traditional haiku dealt with nature themes with a fairly strict formula, non-traditional haiku are not so bound. I can't imagine why Daphne would even remotely consider treating you with contempt, simply because you expressed your opinion. In fact, I highly recommend that no one on this forum even consider treating another poet here with contempt---for any reason. We are here to learn from and support each other, so I'd say that perhaps you worry too much! Brigid
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Haiku 1
Mar 12, 2011 19:33:22 GMT -6
Post by daphnepurpus on Mar 12, 2011 19:33:22 GMT -6
Thanks, dustandwater, for your comments and yes, there is a lot of sorrow and loss here as I express a parent's feelings. I am very new to haiku, but that being said I have read a lot about it and it is my understanding that as Brigid said, there is a lot of room for variants. My aim is to capture a moment as writing haiku helps me stay focused in the present. Sometimes that involves nature or a season word, sometimes not. I can't remember where I read about haiku where the writer said that something was haiku if it captured the intent and "followed" most of the "rules", and only if it deviated "too far" would it fall into another category. Anyway, I do appreciate your input and I would never treat it with contempt. Your view generated quite a nice discussion. I just don't think that in this case I'll "take up the challenge" as I don't believe it would serve this particular haiku well. In this case the season isn't relevant to me. Thanks a lot to both of you for your inputs as this is my first post here. I shall plan on sharing more of my haiku and see where it goes. Cheers, Daphne
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Haiku 1
Mar 13, 2011 5:52:08 GMT -6
Post by dustandwater on Mar 13, 2011 5:52:08 GMT -6
First to address the 'contempt' point. It was hyperbolic humour, not to be taken quite so seriously. I shall tone that down in future.
I'd left a slightly more in depth comment elsewhere about my feelings towards Haiku and this one is admittedly more brief so, to clarify:
I in no way spurn 'Modern Haiku's' and, as I think I made clear, I was impressed with the message in this piece. I think it was very well written and conveyed a lot of emotion, surely a main aim in most poetry.
I only posed the challenge, as it seemed fitting to the form and thought this poetry forum would be the perfect place to engage in such a way. I didn't mean to take away from the original piece at all. Simply to see if a similar message could be achieved in a traditional way.
Yes, Brigid. Of course a 100% traditional Haiku should be in Japanese. Well noted.
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Haiku 1
Mar 13, 2011 14:49:15 GMT -6
Post by eiken on Mar 13, 2011 14:49:15 GMT -6
Daphnepurpus, I really enjoyed this haiku and the comments on it also. Like you and many others, I believe haiku is capturing a moment and while there are many rules, I don't think a kigo (season) word is necessary always. I love the son's tweet, it brings haiku into the times we are living in today, so relevant - I am sure Basho would be tweeting too lol. Your last line is also excellent, bittersweet, it gives me a feeling of sadness and happiness all in one. A lovely haiku
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Haiku 1
Mar 13, 2011 15:32:06 GMT -6
Post by daphnepurpus on Mar 13, 2011 15:32:06 GMT -6
Thanks, eiken. Glad you enjoyed it, and I certainly agree with your thoughts on haiku. Basho tweeting! What a lovely image! You could turn that into a haiku! :-)Daphne
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