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Antique
Sept 10, 2012 10:33:45 GMT -6
Post by buddharocks on Sept 10, 2012 10:33:45 GMT -6
Old things preserved are fine indeed To show us the ways of bygone times
Times of pleasant want, not cruel need Those gentle days of fluid rhymes
When people were of a different breed And insults were the harshest crimes
Manners and honor took the lead And heads bowed at church bell chimes
A time when folks sought to feed Their souls, not their purses with dimes
Now, where once was planted seed The tangled vine of greed climbs
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Antique
Sept 21, 2012 9:47:52 GMT -6
Post by Reilley on Sept 21, 2012 9:47:52 GMT -6
See - rhyme is not dead!
Nice rhythm, did not feel forced, and I like the dichotomy you present. Nice poem!
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Antique
Sept 29, 2012 7:17:12 GMT -6
Post by rhumour on Sept 29, 2012 7:17:12 GMT -6
How very true is the message in this poem!
I like the whole approach, but just found the last line might be missing a word - perhaps I might suggest:-
The tangled vine of greed now climbs
Best wishes, Dave
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Bhavanidevi
Junior Member
Mystic, Shaman, Poet and life-long student of Comparative Religions.
Posts: 56
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Antique
Jan 11, 2013 19:52:21 GMT -6
Post by Bhavanidevi on Jan 11, 2013 19:52:21 GMT -6
How true this poem is! I too find society today sad, superficial and greedy. Sometimes, we cannot fix the problems we see around us but one of the jobs of a poets and bards is to expose the Truth. Good work!
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Antique
Jan 26, 2013 3:18:13 GMT -6
Post by Fire Monkey on Jan 26, 2013 3:18:13 GMT -6
I'm not sure those simpler times ever really existed, much as I would like to think they did, but I do like the thought and longing. Sometimes we must see the world as it should be and know that it could be like that and speak out to try and draw people towards a better way. I fear I have become far too cynical in my years to believe we can change the world, but I do believe we can change an individual and so poems like this have great value because if just one person reads it and stops and thinks and makes a positive change in their path, then the world becomes a better place.
On the matter of mechanics and style, I think this was nicely written, though I agree with Neal that the final line seems a syllable short and adding the word "now" would correct that and fits with what is being said.
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