Session 10: Triolet

[dustandwater]

The Triolet, as with many of our European forms, is originally French and, like the Rondeau (Form Focus Week 3), dates back to the 13th Century. In fact, the two forms both derive from the Rondel and are so closely related, it is difficult to know exactly when the Triolet appeared. However, while the Rondeau had its beginnings in folk song, the Triolet was always a more literary, poetic form. Still, these unclear beginings sometimes caused confusion at the time, such as in the case of 'Rondel', a mistitled Triolet from Jean Froissart (1337-1404).

Traditionally concerned with romance and light-hearted verse, just the same as its aforementioned cousins, the Triolet spent a good while in virtual disuse until it was re-introduced in its modern English-language incarnation by poets such as Thomas Hardy, who preferred to employ a more serious tone in his examples.

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Form

The Triolet Is shorter than the other forms mentioned in this post, comprising only 8 lines. Furthermore, of those 8, the poet only needs to write 5 original lines as the form builds on a rentrement - first-line refrain - and further repetition of the second line. These also initiate the only two rhymes of the poem, with all other lines either repeating or rhyming with the first two.

Originally, lines would be in Iambic Tetrameter - four sets of two beats with a weak-strong rhythm - though in more recent cases and through its English-language revival, this has been mostly left behind so that the poet can choose her own metre.

Here is a closer look at the layout, showing the rhymes and refrains, where like letters are rhyming lines and capitals are refrains.

A
B
a
A
a
b
A
B

It is important to remember that the repetitions are full-line refrains and so should be reproduced word-for-word throughout. That does not mean, however, that the tone/stress or even meaning must be the same with every iteration; as the example below will demonstrate, shifts in time or attitude can affect the meanings or connotations behind the lines and while the words must not change, punctuation can be used rather effectively. The same can be achieved with double-meanings and homonym. I have added the rhyme-markers to help you.

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How Great My Grief by Thomas Hardy (1901)

How great my grief, my joys how few, (A)
Since first it was my fate to know thee! (B)
- Have the slow years not brought to view (a)
How great my grief, my joys how few, (A)
Nor memory shaped old times anew, (a)
  Nor loving-kindness helped to show thee (b)
How great my grief, my joys how few, (A)
  Since first it was my fate to know thee? (B)

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And, just like old times, here's one from me:

Song

A I sing a song of broken hearts;
B I sing it for the world and you.
a For all the scattered, shattered parts,
A I sing a song of broken hearts.
a Of bitter ends to sweetly starts -
b for happy endings are so few -
A I sing a song of broken hearts;
B I sing it for the world and you.

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This is a great stepping-stone form for none-rhymers as the scheme is fairly simple and the number of rhymes and rhyming words needed is small. Go on, give it a go!

-D&W

[diannet]

In a dream she wandered happily
Sonny, my girl, whom I miss
So different but her it be
In a dream she wandered happily
A smile lit up, such a joy to see
What more can I ask but this
In a dream she wandered happily
Sonny, my girl, whom I miss

[Brigid Briton]

Hi d&w!

It's always so good to see you here, especially when you bring us a brand new Form Focus. I'm on my way out the door right now but can't wait to get back and check out the triolet!

Thanks so much!

[Brigid Briton]

OK, dustandwater, I'll play. I can't claim to love stretching my brain, but I do love it when you bring us something new.


There is no one to help me through
the tunnel at the end of light,
a world where there is no you.
There is no one to help me through
this darkness you consigned me to,
a world of unending night.
There is no one to help me through
the tunnel at the end of light.

[SweetSilverBird]

This is really neat, and D&W, I like yours better than Thomas Hardys'!!!

I sort of remember hearing Iambic Tetrametre in the poem 'Antigonish' by William Hughes Mearns - which is one of my favourites as a child.

But this little triolet is rather fun.. I really like what the ladies have done.. This form seems to be a matrix for rather thoughtful feelings. Let me give it a go.

Plea
by Deborah Neher

A I beg you please, just walk away,
B though I can't bear to see you go.
a Dont' throw your life away and stay
A I beg you please, just walk away.
a Why build a dream that's lost its way
b and if you beg, I shall say no.
A I beg you please, just walk away,
B though I can't bear to see you go.

I left the rhyme scheme in place so that it can be seen and checked easily.

It's totally new to me. I've never written one before or anything in iambic tetrametre, so I am sure there will be some little mistakes, but it was good to try. Especially since i've had some problems writing these last few months. Thanks D&W for inspiration and challenge.

Oh, and if anyone is interested in the inspiration for the poem, it's just this really poignant 60's song.

[dustandwater]

diannet,

thank you for being the first to try and also for your patience with my delayed response.

There is something quite magical about the way the form affects this piece. I feel that sense of trying to tell someone about a dream you've had, all the while losing the memory of it yourself; the repetition punctuating new lines seems to signify suddenly remembering then forgetting then remembering a new detail and so on.

I predict that this is perhaps based on the memory of a real person, so there may be some reason that I am missing but if that is not the case, might I suggest a slight reordering of words:

Sonny, my girl, whom I miss

In the original, the relative clause has the danger of feeling tacked on with the initial noun phrase removing some of the strength from the subject. The edit that I propose attempts to separate those clauses and give them equal focus - she is Sonny, she is my girl, I miss her.

It comes across as a very personal piece, carrying with it that special way that only one who loves can find such positives and happiness within the sorrow of loss. Love and hope; how beautiful!

-D&W

[dustandwater]

Brigid,

I'm always happy to see you getting in on the Form Focus sessions as so many of them have been rhyming form.

I must admit, when I first read this I felt something wrong and couldn't understand why. Then I realised that you had flipped the familiar idiom 'light at the end of the tunnel' and I had been sensing that unfamiliarity. I do hover think that was more down to my tiredness when reading as that slight toying with familiar words creates a strong sentiment here.

I said in the intro to this session that the original metre had been pretty much left behind - you see that in the example from Hardy, of course - and so there is no reason for me to enforce the Iambic Tetrametre as I write these comments; indeed you'll see that I haven't for diannet's. However, I feel teased by yours and would love to see you give it a try as some lines use the metre while others don't.

In case you weren't aware of this yourself, below is an indication of the lines in metre. Two bullets indicates Iambic Tetramtre and one indicates that the line is close to the metre:

There is no one to help me through
•• the tunnel at the end of light,
• a world where there is no you.
••There is no one to help me through
•• this darkness you consigned me to,
• a world of unending night.
There is no one to help me through
•• the tunnel at the end of light.

A really good Triolet whether you choose to play with the metre or not. Well done. We'll make a rhymer of you yet!

-D&W

[dustandwater]

SweetSilverBird,

great to see you joining - I worried that the session had died after the first two. Thank you also for your kind words. First, an aside: I'm glad you referenced Antigonish here; my granddad used to recite it to me and I have always been somewhat mesmerised by it.

I was happy to see that you stuck with the traditional iambic tetrameter and, despite your uncertainty, it is a flawless. Well done.

I love the sentiment, reminisce of the old adage, "If you love something…".

I would suggest a few changes to punctuation - mostly not because of error but simply for enhancement; there are a couple of ways you could play with your refrain with punctuation that might make for a slightly more 'interesting' effect (on a purely formulaic level, you understand - not to suggest that the original is uninteresting).

Don't throw your life away and stay,
I beg you please. Just walk away;
why build a dream that's lost its way?

With those slight changes in punctuation, I feel the lines interlock more and so continue on somehow relentlessly, emphasizing the desperation in the plea. Of course, these changes are in no way necessary for the poem to work and so it's entirely up to you.

Also, in the line,

and if you beg, I shall say no.

how would you feel about replacing 'beg' with 'plea'? I find the use of beg here and on the following line mildly uncomfortable, though others may disagree; while repetition can be strong - I am a huge advocate of it - and this poem is built around refrain, I think this one instance suggests a lack of words. Furthermore, it is of course the title of the poem and in my opinion would tie things up nicely. You may feel differently as I know sometimes it is nice to have the title simply implied by the piece.

This is a wonderful poem, especially for a first attempt with the form. Again, most of my suggestions here are incidental so let me know what you think. Great job! I hope to see you experiment with the form more.

-D&W

[diannet]

Thank you D&W, so lovely of you to say and I agree with your changes it does make a difference. Sonny was my dog, I recently lost her and it hit me quite hard. Seventeen years she had been with me through a lot of ups and downs she was my girl. She came to me in the dream just the night before you put up this form focus and I really wanted to write about the dream. You know I got Sonny for my birthday and I lost her the day before my birthday... it was a huge loss... but what a relief to see her happy in my dream. Thanks again and great to have you back with your wonderful instruction.

[Brigid Briton]

Hi D&W

Thanks for your comments. When I saw that it was permissible to not stick to iambic tetrameter, I thought "oh goody" and decided to give this a try. " Four sets of two beats with a weak-strong rhythm" is complete Greek to me. That's why I usually write in free verse.

I'm not going to make a full confession of just what a dolt I am poetically; suffice it to say meter is not my métier!

The phrase "the tunnel at the end of the light" came into my head a few days before you posted this. I was turning it round and round in my head, knowing I needed to use it in a poem. So, I decided to use it here (minus the second "the").

I don't think this is the poem I was meant to write with that line, so another may follow later, undoubtedly in free verse. I had no illusions that this offering was a poem for the ages, so please have no fear of offending me. Although I used the phrase in relationship to some mythical lost love, its original meaning, at least for me, was much broader than that.

You've done a great job here but I'm afraid I'm a hopeless case!

[Brigid Briton]

Hi Dianne,

I knew you were writing about your dear old dog the first time I read this. It touched my heart. I think Sonny probably came to you in a dream to let you know that she will always be with you in some way. Thanks for sharing something so personal with us.

Brigid

[SweetSilverBird]

Hey D&W!

How nice of you to reply so speedily and to give such a helpful review and critique. I think you have really wonderful suggestions, and I am going to be greedy and take every one of them!!!

Here is the poem now.

I beg you please, just walk away,
though I can't bear to see you go.
Don't throw your life away and stay;
I beg you please, just walk away,
Why build a dream that's lost its way?
And if you plead, I shall say no.
I beg you please, just walk away,
though I can't bear to see you go.



.. it's better! I really think the punctuation and changing that one word has improved the flow and made it a lovely easily read story. It flows like a lyrical soliloquy now - which, of course, I was really trying hard to achieve.

Bless you, D&W. You've given me a new form to play with, and I desperately need poetical stimulation. I just loved this~!!! <hugs>