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Post by lavenderblu on Nov 26, 2012 0:55:51 GMT -6
Man, woman, hands clasped Nature's gifts starfish and shells Metal pail treasures
revised:
man, woman, hands clasped nature's gifts starfish and shells metal pail treasures
Revised
metal pail treasures nature's gifts starfish and shells man woman hands clasped
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Post by diannet on Nov 26, 2012 18:21:55 GMT -6
Ha ha... sounds like me... and my husband who humours me, by helping me carry my found treasures.
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Post by hazelmsmith on Nov 26, 2012 21:35:41 GMT -6
Aw, reminded me of my Grandparents who way into their seventies would walk hand in hand along the beach at Blackpool collecting shells etc. Lovely
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Post by lavenderblu on Nov 27, 2012 20:38:14 GMT -6
Thank you, Diannet, for the nice comment and stopping by to say hello. My friend, Deborah, has encouraged me to come here. After a couple of days of consideration, I decided I would come and take a look around. I have dabbled with writing for quite some time. If the truth be told, I am looking forward to learning here. I suppose like anyone, I am reluctant to show my warm underbelly by writing in a public forum. I was grateful to Brigid for informing me of the mistakes I made with cadence. I look forward to getting to know you better. I am delighted I was able to spark a fond memory of you and your husband. How nice to have those memories.
My dear sweet Hazel, thank you for the warm greeting. Yes. I have very good memories of my childhood summers at the beach. I use to watch my mother and father walk hand in hand on the beach. Beside and a few paces behind them were my aunt and uncle walking hand in hand. I wish I had pictures.
Thanks again for the comments.
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Post by Neal Allen (snowtracks) on Dec 1, 2012 1:11:22 GMT -6
There is perhaps nothing so touching as the sharing of private magic moments between two people in love. You have captured such a moment very well indeed.
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Post by lavenderblu on Dec 1, 2012 16:33:32 GMT -6
Thank you for your comment. I am trying to navigate my way around this site. You were most gracious to pop in and say hell
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Post by eiken on Dec 5, 2012 10:44:38 GMT -6
Lavenderblue,
metal pail treasures nature's gifts starfish and shells man woman hands clasped
I love the first line as it sets the scene with the metal pale. the beauty of the beach in the second line and the union of loved ones in the last one.
metal pail clasped by lovers hands starfish and shells
Simplicity of words and how you use them is really important in haiku. I love how you use all of the senses in your haiku, the feel of that metal pale, the colour of it and the warmth of hands holding it together as they leave the beach with their bounty, nature's gifts is not necessary, the reader loves what you are showing in the simplicity of the two words, starfish and shells.
or if you feel it is necessary to emphasise the treasures of nature....
metal pail treasures carried by lovers hands starfish and shells
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