Light (Tanka)

[eiken]

deepest winter
snowfall and sleet days
frosty mornings
gifts of light dancing
on the bedroom wall

(A beautiful sunny morning here for the first time in weeks, a sign from my father that he is at peace today, R.I.P. 26-1-12)

[diannet]

Hi Eiken, this is a lovely scene, I just wondered whether a few little changes might help with the flow...

maybe...
deepest winter
days of snow and sleet
frosty morning gifts
dancing light
upon the walls

This is only a suggestion, you may disagree or have another idea, anyway it's not so easy to put a tanka, I've been trying to get together a few more tanka and it is quite difficult. You have got quite a talent with this form.

[eiken]

Dianne,
Thank you for your thoughts. I think they are very good ones