SEED OF DOUBT

[John Walton]

SEED OF DOUBT

When one seed of doubt

Is tossed and blown

Through the mind of some poor soul

Whose thoughts are not their own

They worry

And because they worry

The seed is sown

And from that one seed of doubt

A harvest of fear is grown

mylifemywordsmypoetry.blogspot.com

twitter - @johnew1964

[Brigid Briton]

Hiya John,

Ain't that the truth? Great accompanying illustration too.

[Reilley]

I like the premise very much, there is genuine truth here.

Even though this is in Free Verse, my eyes kept falling on the rhymes, giving the piece a rhythm and  cadence I could not un-think. 

And like the poem itself, it sowed a seed of doubt that this was in the right place, lol.

My only real nit to pick is the lack of punctuation. Poems are still made up of sentences, and to my mind, they still need proper marking. Your mileage may vary.

Keep writing!

[John Walton]

I often struggle knowing where precise punctuation is needed. That is where this site hopefully comes in and feedback such as yours can only help. Thank you.

[Brigid Briton]

Hi John,

OK, the thread has been duly moved to the Rhyming section because Reilley was right, it rhymes.

Here's the way I would punctuate it:

When one seed of doubt

is tossed and blown,

through the mind of some poor soul,

whose thoughts are not their* own,

they worry,

and because they worry,

the seed is sown,

and from that one seed of doubt,

a harvest of fear is grown.

I do agree with Reilley that punctuation really helps the flow of a poem. Without it, the reader struggles to know where one thought stops and the next begins. You will notice that I de-capitalized all of the first words of the lines, except for the first. Our minds are trained to read a capitalized letter as the beginning of a new thought, and even though capitalization of each new line used to be the norm in poetry, it really makes it much harder to smoothly read through a poem.

You will also notice that I italicized two phrases. I think they could be safely removed because they tend to just repeat what's already been said.

*Although there's a tendency to use "their" now when one is referring to a human who may be of either gender (rather than using "his") I think for the purpose of this poem, it would read better if you were to say either "his" or "her".

Hope this is helpful.

Brigid

[John Walton]

Certainly food for thought! Thank you.

[Fire Monkey]

I think the punctuation that Brigid suggests works quite well, though personally I like the use of "their" as a gender non-specific, so on that point I don't agree, but otherwise, the change from capitals on every line and addition of punctuation makes it much easier to read. It gives it better flow. I myself use punctuation as needed to guide the reader but don't use it when the flow comes naturally from the line breaks - I also use capitals as a kind of guide because, as Brigid says, we are trained to expect a new thought when we see a capital - well, that or in some cases an emphases such as the difference between how people tend to read "sir" and "Sir" where the one is a formality and the other suggests more respect. These of course are not so much rules of English as they are habits of reading that people pick up over time.

I do like the poem but I like it more with the punctuation.

[eiken]

Insightful words, really like this poem and the punctuation suggested really helps the flow.

[SweetSilverBird]

This is a very good poem. Reminds me of my mother's threat; "What you are afraid of, will surely happen!" LOL Thanks for the memory.

[John Walton]

Thanks for the comment. Glad you liked the poem. Please visit my blog... mylifemywordsmypoetry.blogspot.com

Thank you.

John