Repost: Autumn Train (elizabethan sonnet)

[SweetSilverBird]

Autumn Train (A Sonnet)

One day I rode upon a city train.
The sky was slate, the wind was cold and blue.
I saw stark trees and brilliant leaves and rain,
and yet I only thought again of you.
I'd come out on this trip to hide myself.
I thought I'd not be found right in plain sight.
Music I had, and earbuds from the shelf,
I soothed myself with them all through the night.
And when the morning came, all cloudy cold;
all still and sad and broken I became.
For in my heart, I'd suddenly grown old
and all I'd left to whisper was your name.
I dropped my hat down low upon my eyes,
and hid in Love's most distressing disguise.

I wanted to repost this, because I'm not writing at the moment, but wanted to share this sonnet. Forms are not necessarily useless in my opinion. I think they add a sort of timelessness. Give a sonnet a try sometime. I find them so relaxing.

[Brigid Briton]

Ah, Deb, it's so good to see you back here. This is lovely and sad. Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment on so many other peoples' work tonight, I really appreciate it.

Hope that you feel much better soon.

[SweetSilverBird]

Thank you for liking this one Brigid. This sonnet is one I am particularly proud of. It doesn't read 'clunky' as though I struggled hard with the format or iambic pentameter or anything until the very last line. Then it is just a little off, but I love the line so much that I kept it. It is still iambic, but just a little see-sawish. I should sit down and do one again. I'm a little afraid to. Anyone else like doing sonnets?

[Brigid Briton]

Ah, Deb, it's good to see you thinking about thinking about revision. On that last line do you think "hidden in Love's most distressing disguise" might work a little better? (Just a thought.)

With regard to your question, if I could write sonnets like you can, well, then I'd like to write them. However, I'm afraid I'm pretty much a dyed-in-the-wool free-verser and haiku-head.

[Daniel Mark Extrom]

Very nice, Sweet Silver Bird!  Depressing, but that's what you were after . . .

Dan

[SweetSilverBird]

Mar 15, 2014 8:51:40 GMT -6 Daniel Mark Extrom said:

Very nice, Sweet Silver Bird!  Depressing, but that's what you were after . . .

Dan

Oh Dan, I wouldn't be so contriving as to say I was going out to depress people. But I would say that I was trying to express something that some people have felt, in such a way, that they would know without a doubt that it was the same. Camaraderie in the fox holes, so to speak.

Generally the constraints of the sonnet keep my mind so busy, that by the end, I am surprised by its' content.