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Post by Brigid Briton on Mar 7, 2014 11:32:10 GMT -6
She shivers in the dark
her skin punctured
her insides probed
her secret treasures
stolen.
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Post by Reilley on Mar 11, 2014 12:33:48 GMT -6
Powerful truth here, Brigid.
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Post by eiken on Mar 11, 2014 12:59:42 GMT -6
Brutal Brigid!! The shorter the poem, the bigger the blow, wonderfully versed!! Just a question, do you need "her" in L3 and L4? I guess I am looking at this in a haiku way!! E
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Post by Brigid Briton on Mar 11, 2014 23:09:17 GMT -6
Hi eiken,
Thanks for your well-considered critique. I've mulled it over and decided, in this case, that the repetition of "her" continues to personalize the planet, which was my intent. I wanted people to feel the pain that is being inflicted on the only home any of us has. I think leaving out the additional "hers" allows for a bit more detachment when I don't want people to feel detached. Since you and I are the two biggest "haiku-heads" on the forum, you know that I would normally agree 100% and I definitely wouldn't use this sort of repetition in haiku.
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Post by eiken on Mar 12, 2014 4:37:20 GMT -6
Brigid, A funny thing, I woke up in the middle of the night, the alarm went off for some reason and when I came back to bed, I was trying to drift off to sleep again and your poem popped into my head and I thought to myself, the refrain is good actually because it is an emphasis on the earth and needs to keep the emphasis throughout!! So strange what comes to mind when trying to sleep  I agree!! |
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Post by SweetSilverBird on Mar 13, 2014 14:46:45 GMT -6
This is a timely poem, Brigid! Especially with all the Fing fracking going around. I loved it. Very special indeed. I feel 'her'.
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I agree!! 
