Post by sopphey on Mar 11, 2014 9:25:33 GMT -6
I still think that this poem needs a third (fourth? fifth?) revision. But I'm generally pleased how it's turning out--even though one poet friend insists there's something missing. I saw how great y'all are at revision criticism in another thread and figured y'all would get a kick out of this one. I'm posting the both versions for consideration, conversation, and maybe just plain criticism.
Higher
(version 1)
Out of your seats and into the streets.
Feel the vibe. Go on and dive.
No time to go round and round.
Kick it up a notch and go higher.
Up, up, up—over the sky.
Higher with the power of hours.
Time to the space—to the space—
To the edge of reason and taste.
Take it up. Drink it up.
Higher, higher—over clouds and stars.
Over the space eternal, black
The color of thoughts and nightmares.
Higher, over the rainbow is for amateurs.
Reach up till you can't ever come down.
Maybe we can inhale God up there.
A big whiff of higher power to take us over the edge and make us brighter.
Sinking in. Breathing out. Living in.
Living in words that ring true
until they can't be distinguished from lies.
To become the highest divisible denominator
that eventually becomes zero.
Higher
(version 2)
Out of your seats and into the streets.
Quench your screams with a bit of glee.
Feel the vibe. Go on and dive.
What's going on with all that swine?
No time to go round and round.
Round and round. Round and around
the children go around the merry go-round.
The children of God come around and round.
Kick it up a notch and go higher.
Up, up, up—over the sky.
No moon or sun to distract.
Uppity, up, tap for a good time.
Higher with the power for hours.
Time to the space—to the space—
To the edge of reason and taste.
Higher, higher—over clouds and stars.
Go on. Let's fly.
Take it up. Drink it up.
Bring it to your lips
And drown until you slip.
Over the space eternal, black
The color of thoughts and nightmares.
Higher, over the rainbow is for amateurs.
Reach up till you can't ever come down.
Maybe we can inhale God up there.
A big whiff of higher power to take
us over the edge and make us brighter.
Sinking in. Breathing out. Living in.
Living in words that ring true
until they can't be distinguished from lies.
To become the highest divisible denominator
that eventually becomes zero.
Higher
(version 1)
Out of your seats and into the streets.
Feel the vibe. Go on and dive.
No time to go round and round.
Kick it up a notch and go higher.
Up, up, up—over the sky.
Higher with the power of hours.
Time to the space—to the space—
To the edge of reason and taste.
Take it up. Drink it up.
Higher, higher—over clouds and stars.
Over the space eternal, black
The color of thoughts and nightmares.
Higher, over the rainbow is for amateurs.
Reach up till you can't ever come down.
Maybe we can inhale God up there.
A big whiff of higher power to take us over the edge and make us brighter.
Sinking in. Breathing out. Living in.
Living in words that ring true
until they can't be distinguished from lies.
To become the highest divisible denominator
that eventually becomes zero.
Higher
(version 2)
Out of your seats and into the streets.
Quench your screams with a bit of glee.
Feel the vibe. Go on and dive.
What's going on with all that swine?
No time to go round and round.
Round and round. Round and around
the children go around the merry go-round.
The children of God come around and round.
Kick it up a notch and go higher.
Up, up, up—over the sky.
No moon or sun to distract.
Uppity, up, tap for a good time.
Higher with the power for hours.
Time to the space—to the space—
To the edge of reason and taste.
Higher, higher—over clouds and stars.
Go on. Let's fly.
Take it up. Drink it up.
Bring it to your lips
And drown until you slip.
Over the space eternal, black
The color of thoughts and nightmares.
Higher, over the rainbow is for amateurs.
Reach up till you can't ever come down.
Maybe we can inhale God up there.
A big whiff of higher power to take
us over the edge and make us brighter.
Sinking in. Breathing out. Living in.
Living in words that ring true
until they can't be distinguished from lies.
To become the highest divisible denominator
that eventually becomes zero.