Snow Hills in Helsinki

[eiken]

On the radio
Massenet’s Meditation,

and I picture a young girl
in shimmering green
playing the violin.

I close my eyes
stilled by the haunting melody.
It takes me to snow hills in Helsinki
where day and night are black.
Candles flicker orange and warm
circling sunless forests.
Reflections from a frozen sea
tint a starlit sky.

There are nuns in flowing purple,
pilgrims from Copenhagen.
A silver crucifix held on high,
the stars light their way.

Shadows bounce
behind fogged up windows,
whiskey salutes
to a melon moon.
Wood smoke carries across the sea,
icicles glint from rafters,

and the scent of mulled wine
fills my kitchen,
my daughter’s voice
behind me,
home for Christmas.

(It might be nice for you to look up Massenets Meditation on Youtube, I could not embed the link sadly, sorry!! ) It inspired this write

Hi eiken: I added the link for you. Brigid

www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmUVCSyErzA

[Brigid Briton]

Hi eiken,

This is lovely! I opened another window, went to Youtube and played Massenet's Meditation, while reading your poem. What a great complement. I also put a link at the bottom of your post.

From the haiku-head in me: Do you really need the "up" following "fogged"?

From the non haiku-head in me: I'm just a little bit bothered by this:
"my daughter’s voice
behind me,
home for Christmas"

It almost makes it seem as if it's only your daughter's voice that's home for Christmas, while I'm sure that your daughter herself was standing behind you. As I said, I am only a little bothered by this because I did understand your meaning. I hope I don't wake up in the middle of the night re-thinking this critique, as you did on my recent Poem for the Planet post!  It's one thing to have poetry on our minds all day long, but when it starts sneaking into our dreams...maybe we need to sign up for Poets Anonymous!!!

Brigid

[SweetSilverBird]

This is beautiful, Eiken. It reminds me of another spoken piece I once heard Dylan Thomas's "A Child's Christmas in Wales" and your poem has the same quiet lovingness that Thomas's poem has. Do not stop.. this stuff is very very good. I saw it all, Eiken. I saw it all.

[eiken]

Brigid,
As you know, I have a problem with ending poems and this was one that I needed to bring back into the present.....my kitchen once the beautiful music was finished on the radio and I put my daughter there behind me, she was home for Christmas but it obviously did not work very well. I will think about it again but I just cannot get this out of draft!! LOL.

I agree, fogged up or fogged is the same Thanks!!!

Deb,
Thank you for your comments, great to see you here again and I so appreciate you taking time to read this:) Getting there with my writing, a work in progress but endings not my best bit.

[Cory Raymond]

Hi Eiken,

I agree with Brigid that the ending was a bit confusing, but I think we all got what you were saying anyway. This was so atmospheric. I almost felt myself beside you in your kitchen (or wish that I could have been there) because it sounded so peaceful and perfect.

Don't worry about not being able to always end a poem the "right" way. Just think of all the stories we grew up on. The authors couldn't think of good endings, so they simply said "And they lived happily ever after", which was not only a cop-out, but trained us to expect "happily ever afters" as soon as our stories reached a certain point (usually marriage, or at least riding off with the handsome prince!) So, just add, "and we lived happily ever after" and everything will be fine.

This is a lovely poem, which, I notice, seems to be a habit with you!

Cory