Poem in a Bottle

[John Walton]

Poem in a Bottle

This

poem

is a

poem

that reads

better with red wine.

Some would say that this

is true of many poems of

mine. Can I suggest you

raise a glass and drink a

toast to me, then finish

off the bottle and return it

to the sea. I hope that in

the future, when you drink

a glass or two, you will

think about this poem that

was written just for you.

mylifemywordsmypoetry.blogspot.com

[Brigid Briton]

Hi John,

Well, you've been very busy. As I write this you've posted six new poems within an hour's time. As I mentioned in my PM to you, our rule is normally one poem per day in any given category, but I'm willing to allow a little leeway since we're trying to get the forum back up and running, after a long period of inactivity. But, I need to ask that you not post anything further today.

It may seem ironic, since I do welcome activity, that I'm asking you to hold back a bit. I explained the reasons to you in my PM, but I'll repeat them here for the benefit of others reading this thread. They are, briefly: 1) It takes time to read and critique work. Posting multiples lessens the chances that each poem will receive the attention it deserves. 2) Other, less prolific writers, also deserve attention for their work, and the farther down the page they're pushed by mulitiple postings, the less likely that their work will be noticed.

I hope you are not offended by my asking you to hold back. I know how exciting it can be when you feel like you're "in the zone" and you want to get everything out there in the world as quickly as possible. Keep in mind that you have posted a link to your blog on every poem and that provides people the opportunity to see all of the work you've posted there, if they so choose.

About this poem: it is extremely clever. If memory serves me right, this type of poem is called a concrete poem, because the words take the shape of the subject matter of the piece. This is very well done, with only a few minor variations from the bottle's outline.

The only revision I might suggest is changing the "return it to the sea" to something like "throw it in the sea", because it probably didn't come out of the sea if someone is drinking wine out of it,  so technically, it wouldn't be "returning", rather making its maiden voyage.

Keep up the great work. We look forward to seeing much more of it, only not all at once!

Brigid

[Cory Raymond]

Hi John,

This is really, really good!
I'd drink it if I could.

It must take forever to figure out a poem like this. It's wonderful!

Cory

[John Walton]

I apologise for the multiple posts.

[Brigid Briton]

Hi John,

No need to apologize. I really love your enthusiasm and your work. It's just that people get overwhelmed with too much all at once. I hope you'll keep posting your work and interacting with other people. Things are starting to get interesting around here and I hope we can all keep it up!



Brigid

[John Walton]

Thanks for the comment Cory. Why not try it yourself? Come up with a basic shape and base your poem around that shape. A candle and flame perhaps or a circle for the circle of life? Just give it a go and have fun doing it. You will never know what you might come up with if you don't try. It's also good to push yourself sometimes by trying something a little different. I look forward to seeing your post! John

[Cory Raymond]

I don't know about that, John. I'll think about it but think I'd be hard-pressed (just like in the wine-making process) to beat, or even come close to this. However, I do love a good challenge...so, we'll see.

[Daniel Mark Extrom]

Very smart! Very clever, John!  Liked it. I will think about it with the next bottle!

Dan

[John Walton]

Sometimes Cory, the more you challenge yourself the easier it eventually gets. Reading lots of poetry helps too. It often inspires you. John

[SweetSilverBird]

Very wise words, John. I'm so glad you joined us!

[John Walton]

Thank you for taking the time to comment. John