Teahouse Reflections

[blackbird]

~moss
Lush thick lime green moss
A blanket over pebbles
Soft still wet from rain


~lost and found
lost in the teahouse
sun and plants new life breathed in
center of self found



~3 trees
windstorm fell three trees
father cried felt them fall
cypress, birch, and fir

~Linkin Lies
my son lies face down
curved bridge at the headwaters
to see river run

[Lisa Arnold]

wonderful poetry and solid imagery!

thanks for sharing

[John Walton]

You have inspired me to try something new - Haiku!

[Brigid Briton]

Hi blackbird,

Well, I see you've been busily putting your thoughts into the haiku format. I think you're on the right track. A lot of poets couldn't say all they want to say in 17 syllables to save their souls.

The next step is to simplify even more. Traditional haiku contain very few adjectives, let alone four in one line as in your first haiku:

Lush thick lime green moss
A blanket over pebbles
Soft still wet from rain

a more streamlined, modern version might read:

moss
blanket over pebbles
wet from rain

Unlike normal English, haiku don't usually utilize articles and punctuation. They are, more often than not, incomplete sentence fragments or phrases. It's difficult go get out of the mode of thinking in good, solid, grammatical English and into the more "snapshot" like images of haiku.

You've made a great start here and I enjoyed all of these. Let me ask, that in the future, you post only one haiku per thread. Yes, they are short, but each good poem (even haiku) deserves its own thread on which to be duly admired.

Until I get time to do (or have someone else do) a Form Focus session on haiku, there are lots and lots of sites devoted to haiku, both the traditional forms and the more modern versions. There is so much more to this fascinating and very satisfying form than one might think at first impression. 5-7-5 is only the very beginning of the haiku journey.

I hope you stick with it. Pretty soon "haiku moments" will appear everywhere!

[blackbird]

Many Thanks for the comments and the time you took to read my words. I value all input greatly.
Brigid,
I apologize and after the fact I thought I goofed posting the three in one box, I understand and agree. It won't happen again.
Thank you for pointing out that I was of the misunderstanding that Haiku was a 5-7-5 set stage. I guess I got lost in the "rule" that wasn't a rule after all...love learning, back to the drawing board

[Brigid Briton]

Hi blackbird,

I think most people start off with 5-7-5. For someone used to longer poetry, limiting yourself to just 17 syllables is a pretty big challenge in itself. When you add the additional challenge of paring down even more, while still retaining the elegance of a "haiku moment", it just gets sweeter. Keep up the good work. You're doing great.

Brigid

[eiken]

Blackbird,
I echo all that Brigid has said already and the 5,7,5, is where everyone starts out but less is truly more and the purpose of haiku is to pare back to the bone, to say a lot in a few words, capture a moment using a phrase (one liner) to set the scene and then a fragment (two lines that link) with a juxtaposition. Haiku never have titles, are all lower case, no rhyme, lots of rules. The best book I ever read was Reading and Writing Haiku by Jane Reichold


my son lies face down
curved bridge at the headwaters
to see river run



face down
to see the river run--
curved bridge

Hope this helps a little and keep on writing Love your imagery

[Brigid Briton]

Hi eiken,

Thanks for expanding on what I said on this thread. I'm wondering if you'd be interested in doing a Form Focus session on Haiku.

[eiken]

Brigid,
I would love to do a session, perhaps in May when I have a little more time. I can post some basic information that I found useful when writing haiku first if that helps?

[Gwen Dubeau]

Lovely poem. Beautiful imagery.