Scatterings of Spring (draft)

[eiken]

I have not written a standard poem for months so I am delighted to have been inspired to write something for the first time today It was a beautiful Spring morning here in Ireland, it helps when the weather is good!! Happy Easter all!!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I open the bedroom window to a spring dawn,
birdsong trickles through.
Daybreak, hushed beneath a film of fog,
ribbons of mist shift through the pines,
I hear my angst in a willow tit’s refrain
somewhere in the distance.

Fists of yellow clusters bunch tight on the maple
filled with sunsets of winters long,
preparing to unfurl a burgundy red.

The train snakes along the coastline
green and fat like a great big slug.
Haze slowly lifts over silver birch green
rising into the bluest of skies.
A cloud of blackbirds alight
on my cherry blossom
scattering petals
across this April morning,
the day crisp
with promise.

[Brigid Briton]

Hi eiken,

What a lovely glimpse into your world. Sounds downright heavenly!

Brigid

[kara]

sounded like a lovely morning! i like the image about the train and the cloud of blackbirds! off the top of my head, i would cut "daybreak". i think it sounds better without it and it's implied that it's dawn in the first line.

[eiken]

Thank you for the great comments

[Reilley]

The fists of yellow was a great phrase for me, awesome visual.

[saore]

I loved this one.  The visual images are stunning.

Sergio

[davidwayne]

nice snapshot

I think 

Daybreak, hushed beneath a film of fog,

would be a great opening line


David