saore
Junior Member
Posts: 91
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Post by saore on Apr 22, 2014 7:37:03 GMT -6
Clouds
The last time
I saw the place
where clouds
are formed
was from my
window.
Rich moisture
moving through
the saguaros,
touching them
from head
to toe. Once
I saw the place
where clouds are
formed in your
eyes, high
above the stars.
I had nothing
to say, no story
to tell.
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Clouds
Apr 22, 2014 9:14:43 GMT -6
Post by Brigid Briton on Apr 22, 2014 9:14:43 GMT -6
Hi Sergio,
This has a lovely peacefulness about it. I'm a bit confused, though, by clouds being formed at ground level. It seems as if you're talking about fog. The latter part of the poem almost seems to be a reference to the universe, or a supreme being. I feel that you almost have three separate poems going on here. One about the fog enveloping the saguaros, one about a lover (the allusion to "eyes" and one about the creator of clouds and everything else). I like the ending where you are left speechless by whatever grandeur it was that you beheld (whether of creation or in a lover's eyes).
Since this is poetry, I won't ask you to explain, but you did leave me wondering...
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kara
Newbie
Posts: 26
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Clouds
Apr 22, 2014 13:35:14 GMT -6
Post by kara on Apr 22, 2014 13:35:14 GMT -6
hmm i reread it after reading what brigid said. i didn't realize it might be about a creator on the first read. i liked it more with that in mind. we can be awestruck by things here on this planet but dumbfounded if faced with the sheer mass and intricacy of the universe. i am NOT a religious person, but i did have a very strange spiritual experience once. i was meditating and suddenly felt like i was the universe, only leave the "i" part out. not something to be explained in words. as saore said
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saore
Junior Member
Posts: 91
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Clouds
Apr 23, 2014 6:59:13 GMT -6
kara likes this
Post by saore on Apr 23, 2014 6:59:13 GMT -6
thank you Brigid. I can't remember why I wrote this but it is about love and creation. Kara this might have been a meditation. Yes I think it is.
Sergio
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Clouds
Apr 23, 2014 16:03:13 GMT -6
Post by Lisa Arnold on Apr 23, 2014 16:03:13 GMT -6
good flow to your wonderful poem Sergio...I enjoyed the read, many thanks for sharing
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saore
Junior Member
Posts: 91
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Clouds
Apr 24, 2014 6:56:16 GMT -6
Post by saore on Apr 24, 2014 6:56:16 GMT -6
thank you Lisa.
Sergio
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