kara
Newbie
Posts: 26
|
Post by kara on Apr 22, 2014 20:19:14 GMT -6
lisa arnold, i dug this one up from my twitter, your poem reminded me of it!
A locomotive
Interupts my train of thought
Earth shakes while we wait
i'm not crazy about the last line. maybe change earth to "ground"? i just don't know and it was very spur of the moment. hard to put myself back there. my bf and i were in the car together and i was daydreaming when the train came. it distracted me from my peaceful moment, much like you said about yours lisa!
|
|
saore
Junior Member
Posts: 91
|
Post by saore on Apr 23, 2014 7:05:49 GMT -6
I like this one Kara, ground would be nice too.
Sergio
|
|
|
Post by Lisa Arnold on Apr 24, 2014 7:50:31 GMT -6
Hi Kara, I am glad you dug this one up! I think you did a good job...about that last line, I would use "ground" but both "ground" and "earth" work for me
|
|
|
Post by eiken on Apr 26, 2014 4:25:38 GMT -6
Lovely one Kara, I love that moment as I wait for the train, a slight tremor as it rolls in.
|
|