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Post by Fire Monkey on Mar 3, 2011 0:58:52 GMT -6
I shed a tear for human need Our world is filled with war and greed It's not religion, race or creed But selfish hearts that plant the seed
We seek to blame something outside But only we can stem the tide From dark within we cannot hide We must instead change what's inside
Treaties never make things right Talks and summits in the night Are only shows for public sight And soon are broken by weapon's might
For mankind's hearts are quick to hate And this is what has brought our fate We must change before it's too late There's little time for us to wait
Love's the only way for peace The only way for wars to cease Through kindness we can find release We must make our love increase
Copyright March 2, 2011 by Timothy Emil Birch
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Post by SweetSilverBird on Mar 3, 2011 1:32:18 GMT -6
Hey, Monkey! I've never seen that rhyme scheme before! I must be getting old!
You are really churning these out! I wish I could be so prolific.
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Post by Fire Monkey on Mar 3, 2011 5:24:26 GMT -6
I'm sure sure how common a rhyme scheme it is - not sure if I ever saw someone do it before, but somehow as I started to write it just sort of started happening like that and felt good so I continued it. As for the prolificness - it comes from time to time ... I 'blame' it on the weather ;D
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Post by Brigid Briton on Mar 3, 2011 8:59:21 GMT -6
Well, Tim. It's a great message. I really feel that you're stretching with some of your rhymes. I'd really be interested in seeing you express the same thing without rhyming---just to see what you'd come up with. If you do, I'll attempt to turn one of mine into a "rhymer"!
Keep 'em coming!
Brigid
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Post by Fire Monkey on Mar 3, 2011 13:14:17 GMT -6
Not sure that I can change it in that way - for me the rhyme does not limit what I write but rather it is as much a part of the expression as any other part but I'll see.
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Post by dustandwater on Mar 4, 2011 10:56:41 GMT -6
Fire Monkey, great work.
I read a 'tweet' the other day that said only the following:
"RT for World Peace."
It set a fire of cynicism inside me at the pointlessness of such a request. This poem highlights the reality superbly! Only we can change the situation; Only with love can we rid the hate.
Not to step on toes, but Stanza 4, Line 3, I think I would have gone for "...before it's too late", to keep the idea of hope for the future going.
I too enjoyed the rhyme scheme. I have attempted similar schemes in the past and always found it extremely challenging, so well done!
Keep it up!
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Post by Fire Monkey on Mar 4, 2011 17:33:48 GMT -6
Hmmm, yes, you might be right - "before it's too late" might in fact wor better that "or it's too late" - I must think on that but I believe it would be a good change.
I have always felt that people point the finger at all sorts of things that are not the cause so that they can ignore the true problem which is inside us. Much easier to say that wars are caused by religion or that it's because we have country borders that separate us because when we start wars we use those sorts of excuses for it, but I feel very strongly that it is the ugliness that we carry inside us that is the cause. It's hate, indifference, greed - no matter how much we change the world, if we don't address the negative aspects of human nature we will not solve war and violence. Get rid of one excuse and we'll find another so long as the real cause is left unaddressed.
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Post by Brigid Briton on Mar 4, 2011 20:21:41 GMT -6
Yes!!! And this is one of the reasons I created this forum. To draw out deep-thinking, like-minded people. One of the things I really hate is when I get really ticked off at something someone says or does and then examine myself and find they are only holding up a mirror to me! For me, one of the best way to stop being negative (if only for a nano-second at a time) is to create, create, create. Seems of late, so many people are intent only on tearing down, tearing down, tearing down. So, my dear poet friends, write your hearts out! You've made my day with this thread! Brigid
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