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Post by Reilley on Mar 3, 2011 10:41:55 GMT -6
A sepia photo, a couple, torn in two, like the photo, the jagged edge where he lets off and she begins, just like the photo.
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Post by Brigid Briton on Mar 4, 2011 7:37:06 GMT -6
Hi Reilley,
I'm not getting your title and I don't think the repetition of "just like the photo" is necessary, especially in such a short piece. For me, the aim of a very short poem is to be succinct, to get your message across with a minimum of words.
I do appreciate your participation in the forum. Please don't be discouraged by the scarcity of responses. The forum is only a week old and it will probably take a while to get a good interchange going.
Brigid
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Post by Fire Monkey on Mar 4, 2011 8:18:05 GMT -6
You have captured it well I think. I can get the idea of repeating "like the photo" but I have to agree with Brigid that in this case, it would have more impact without that - try reading it without the phrase:
"A sepia photo, a couple, torn in two, like the photo, the jagged edge where he lets off and she begins, just like the photo."
To me, if you drop those two bits they become implied. See what you think.
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