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Post by JanetGunn on Mar 6, 2011 12:54:00 GMT -6
In this moment where you stand The only one you truly have For if lost it surely won't return
The magic to make is now Staring you down In this moment where you stand
Let go of regret Let go of fear Chains that anchor you down
In this moment where you stand Moment of truth The only one that truly counts
For you must decide Which road to stride In this moment where you stand
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Post by SweetSilverBird on Mar 6, 2011 13:12:15 GMT -6
This poem does get across it's mood. I am not sure that I myself would use the repeating phrase to do it, but it is a good write.
Thank you for joining us and Welcome to Poets here and Now!
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Post by Reilley on Mar 6, 2011 15:24:37 GMT -6
I liked it, it was quite plainly stated. Not always the very definition of poetry, but it does get the point across. ;-)
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Post by Brigid Briton on Mar 6, 2011 15:24:45 GMT -6
Hi Janet! Welcome to the forum. This is a great debut. The message is so true. Now is all that we have. If more people would take your advice, the world would be a much happier place. I do agree with Deb that the repetition of "this moment where you stand" isn't really necessary. I tend to be a minimalist, so I'm always advocating for streamlining whenever possible. I always write a poem out, then go back and read it again, asking myself the question, what words are not absolutely necessary to get my point across in a meaningful way. For example "Chains that anchor you down" really doesn't need the "down". Mine is definitely not the only way of writing poetry, in fact, I'm in somewhat of a minority on this forum. It's just something for you to consider. I was a bit distracted, too, by the introduction of rhyme in the last stanza. But, maybe that's just me. Overall, this is an important message from someone who clearly has a poet's heart. I'm so happy you're here on our forum. I hope to read a lot more of your work soon. Brigid
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Post by Fire Monkey on Mar 6, 2011 18:47:42 GMT -6
Personally I like it just as it is. No doubt there are times when repeating a phrase detracts but I don't believe it does in this - in fact, I'd say that without the repetition the poem would be weakened greatly - sure, the meaning would remain, but the feeling would be lost - and to me, if all that counts is the meaning then what is needed is prose not poetry - so though you do not need to have anyone agree or approve, I just wanted to say that the repetition was, to me, a key factor in the poem and without it all you would have had was message but no feeling.
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