Session 2: Villanelle

[dustandwater]

This week I'm going to take a look at the villanelle. It has for a while now been one of my favourite forms; I find it particularly expressive but it is certainly complex. Personally, I find it suits dark, emotive pieces very well but that's by no means official. Let's begin with a bit of history...

The villanelle as we know it today derives from the poem "Villanelle" by Jean Passerat. During the Renaissance, the French term 'villanelle" (from the Italian for house and farmhand) simply referred to 'country songs', often sung by farmers and shepherds. They were often about the countryside and had no real fixed form. Passerat's poem was the first to use the structure that we will discuss here and it was the popularity of this particular piece that led to the form becoming so established.

While it is often considered a French form, given it's history and origin, many more villanelles exist in the English language than in French. It was first popularised in English in the late 1800s, Oscar Wilde being one of the early practitioners. In it's early English years however, it was looked down upon by modernists and considered a part of England's decadent movement at the time.

Later, it was brought to the fore again by writers like W.H. Auden, Sylvia Plath and of course Dylan Thomas, who's "Do not go gentle into that good night" is probably one of the most famous English language villanelles today. Indeed, that was the piece that first got me interested in the Villanelle.

So, what is it?

The villanelle is a nineteen-line rhyming poem, divided into 5 tercets and one quatrain. A villanelle uses only two rhymes and has two refrains running throughout the whole piece. While there is no official metre, contemporary villanelle are most commonly written in pentameter.

Let's take a look at the rhyming scheme. Here, same letters rhyme and capital letters are refrains:

Refrain 1 (A1)
Line 2 (b)
Refrain 2 (A2)

Line 4 (a)
Line 5 (b)
Refrain 1 (A1)

Line 7 (a)
Line 8 (b)
Refrain 2 (A2)

Line 10 (a)
Line 11 (b)
Refrain 1 (A1)

Line 13 (a)
Line 14 (b)
Refrain 2 (A2)

Line 16 (a)
Line 17 (b)
Refrain 1 (A1)
Refrain 2 (A2)

---

Here is Dylan Thomas's "Do not go gentle into that good night" to illustrate the structure:

Do not go gentle into that good night, (A1)

Old age should burn and rave at close of day; (b)

Rage, rage against the dying of the light. (A2)



Though wise men at their end know dark is right, (a)

Because their words had forked no lightning they (b)

Do not go gentle into that good night. (A1)



Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright (a)

Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay, (b)

Rage, rage against the dying of the light. (A2)



Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight, (a)

And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way, (b)

Do not go gentle into that good night. (A1)


Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight (a)

Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay, (b)

Rage, rage against the dying of the light. (A2)



And you, my father, there on the sad height, (a)

Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray. (b)

Do not go gentle into that good night. (A1)

Rage, rage against the dying of the light. (A2)

---

And finally, as always, my own attempt:

A solemn soul stood lonely on the pier,
his breathing shallow, skin a deathly pale.
A whisper on the wind said, "do not fear".

The night was still, a sign that death was near.
The stifling dark mists parted to unveil
a solemn soul stood lonely on the pier.

He gazed out to the ocean, void of cheer
across the sea was heard a piercing wail.
A whisper on the wind said, "do not fear".

Come every night for months he'd been stood here,
though weather turned from rain to sleet to hail,
a solemn soul stood lonely on the pier.

As time passed by and turned another year,
this solitary soul grew old and frail -
a whisper on the wind said, "do not fear".

The morning sun rose on a mortal sneer
and so we reach the end of this man's tale.
A solemn soul stood lonely on the pier;
A whisper on the wind said, "do not fear".

---

So, roll up your sleeves and give it a go!

-D&W

[dustandwater]

Note:

This is not a great form for you story-telling poets; it can be difficult to achieve the progression of a narrative with this form because of the refrain.

With that in mind, begin with your two lines of the refrain and the then build on that, using the poem to expand on and explore the ideas in the refrain.

This way, there is no progression of narrative but an excellent opportunity to develop and explore the depths of an idea or emotion.

If you're already comfortable, then by all means try a story as well.

-D&W

[Brigid Briton]

Wow, d&w,

I'm impressed that you've tackled the Villanelle, which, for me, has always been something of a brain-teaser. You've given an excellent explanation of the form here and I hope people will give it a try.

All I can promise, is I'll work on it.

Keep up the great job you're doing with this section!



Brigid

[SweetSilverBird]

Okay D&W, I'll bite. Be gentle with me, since this is my very first Villanelle. I was really really impressed with yours. They do seem to stand as warnings or admonishments sometimes, don't they.

Anyways, here goes:

For Love
by Deborah Neher

If you upon love's sea would like to sail,
send cosmic tendrils all the world to play.
Open your heart and do not let it fail.

Although calm seas may turn to stormy gale,
Be calm and send out loving thoughts today.
If you upon love's sea would like to sail.

And when at last you find that sweetest vale
of love, do not play lovers games in any way.
Open your heart, and do not let it fail.

-So, most of us lose love, or let it pale.
Throw all else out but love, I to you pray!
If you upon love's sea would like to sail.

And when all love confounds us, how we rale!
Think of all ways to somehow make it stay.
Open your heart and do not let it fail.

If love be prison, I would choose such jail.
But in the end, it's magic, some do say.
If you upon love's sea would like to sail,
Open your heart and do not let it fail.



Edited to:

If you upon love's sea would like to sail,
send cosmic tendrils all the world to play.
Cast open your heart and do not let it fail.

Although calm seas may turn to stormy gale,
Be calm and send out loving thoughts today.
If you upon love's sea would like to sail.

And when at last you find that sweetest vale
of love, do not play lovers' games in any way.
Cast open your heart, and do not let it fail.

With that, most of us lose love, or let it pale.
Throw all else out but cling to love, I pray!
If you upon love's sea would like to sail.

And when all love confounds us, how we rale!
Think of all ways somehow, to make it stay.
Cast open your heart and do not let it fail.

If love be prison, heaven is a jail
But even if it's magic of the very fey;.
If you upon love's sea would like to sail,
Cast open your heart and do not let it fail.

[heatherwordbender]

Firstly -D&W, yours was beautiful and poignant. Loved the concept
Secondly -SSB...sweet as ever, and very true
Thirdly -caveat: I put on my Sententious Hat, used approximate rhyme and am feeling sheepish, but I had a lovely time with it!

Fear Not To Plumb Emotion To Its Depths

Fear not to plumb emotion to its depths
Let heart o'er mind occasionally have sway
Fullness of heart and soul need duly swept.

Though many's the private pain quiet kept
A violent airing will much pain allay
Fear not to plumb emotion to its depths.

Howsoever frightening the concept
Open up, let it see the light of day
Fullness of heart and soul need duly swept.

If regrets 'round your mind have silent crept
Out them, air them and let them have their say
Fear not to plumb emotion to its depths.

Where any held back tear is left unwept
Or valiant, lying smile feigns to be gay
Fullness of heart and soul need duly swept.

For every time your heart has drop't or leapt
No need to keep the secret thoughts at bay
Fear not to plumb emotion to its depths
Fullness of heart and soul need duly swept.


Edit:
Fear not to plumb emotion to its depths
Let heart o'er mind occasionally have sway
Fullness of heart and soul need duly swept.

Though many's the private pain quiet kept
A violent airing will much pain allay
Fear not to plumb emotion to its depths.

Howsoever frightening the concept
Open up, let it see the light of day
Fullness of heart and soul need duly swept.

If regrets 'round your mind have silent crept
Then out them, air them, let them have their say
Fear not to plumb emotion to its depths.

Where any held back tear is left unwept
Or any valiant, lying smile feigns gay
Fullness of heart and soul need duly swept.

For every time your heart has drop't or leapt
No need to keep the secret thoughts at bay
Fear not to plumb emotion to its depths
Fullness of heart and soul need duly swept.

[Brigid Briton]

I am so impressed by all three of you! I thought it would take days for anyone to come up with their own villanelle and you, Deb and Heather seem to have just dashed them off---highly successfully, I might add.

d&w: I'm sure that part of Deb and Heather's success was from your fine explanation and graphic example of "Do Not Go Gentle". BTW, I thought your villanelle was awesome too. Thanks so much for thinking up "Form Focus" and for giving us two excellent lessons so far. I'm looking forward to more. Oh, yeah, I guess I'd better concentrate on this week's form first.

[Brigid Briton]

OK, I struggled with this for hours and hours, so you all had better be nice to me!

Upon the beach, a young man cried,
though moonlight sparkled on the bay.
Beneath the stars, the ocean sighed.

His bitter tears won’t be denied.
The one he loved has gone astray
Upon the beach, a young man cried.

She told him that her love had died.
She didn’t have the heart to stay.
Beneath the stars, the ocean sighed.

Could he triumph over pride,
and face another wretched day?
Upon the beach, a young man cried.

As he watched the rising tide,
his pain began to fade away.
Beneath the stars, the ocean sighed.

Then he knew he would abide,
that he had to find a way.
Upon the beach, a young man cried.
Beneath the stars, the ocean sighed.

[diannet]

Oooooh how good are these verses...I just wanted to say I am trying...I have had three goes at this and I can't get it to work! I will keep trying but this is HARD! Just a teeny bit of frustration at work here!

[heatherwordbender]

It's very interesting. The repetition of line lends itself very easily to admonitions. Which of course is how I took it. I'm moderately jealous that Brigid and D&W both found a repetition which did not do that...then again, it's a lovely way to make a point.


and golly...seven rhymes then six more without becoming obnoxious is a mind teaser!!!

[Reilley]

This, IMHO, is the very best part of this forum, the chance to learn and delve into new styles. To stretch our poetic muscles and wrestle words into the form we want.

I am gonna go write one right now.

[Reilley]

THE TREASURES OF LIFE

The treasures of life you cannot see or touch
Are the things we all hold highest as ideal,
We pay the cost no matter how much.

Worldly matters like debt, toil, loss and such
Are the things most think of as being real,
The treasures of life you cannot see or touch.

To our bosom we hold these in iron clutch
With the strength of tempered steel,
We pay the cost no matter how much.

Scrabbling like mad rabbits in our own hutch
Before the altar of the immediate we kneel,
The treasures of life you cannot see or touch.

Skipping like children playing Double Dutch
We ignore the things we are meant to feel,
We pay the cost no matter how much.

While our inner lives are meant to be nonesuch -
And the worldy was meant to merely reveal,
The treasures of life you cannot see or touch,
We pay the cost no matter how much.

[heatherwordbender]

Love "the alter of the immediate" ...niiice.

One thing though. [bosomS]?? I'd prefer my own rather than An Communal One...

[Reilley]

How can we (collective) hold anything to my (singular) bosom?

[diannet]

Okay, after stressing, I watched a movie and sought inspiration from there...I hope I haven't desecrated this form too much and apologize if I have. I have taken a some lines from this Coen Brothers film but if you're gonna have help let it come from the best.

Plot Development...

In the interest of plot development
That rug really tied the room together
And Donny was out of his element

The Dude was called in for the ransom settlement
For the trophy wife in the parlance of our times
In the interest of plot development

Walter handed over a ringer an ingenious bit of devilment
Dude worried about the nail polished toe
And Donny was out of his element

Of course they were conscious of winning the tournament
Bowling brought all three characters together
In the interest of plot development

Dude involved the law establishment
When the money and his car were stolen
And Donny was out of this element

Poor Donny died in all the excitement
When kidnappers turned up for revenge
In the interest of plot development
And Donny was out of his element

[dustandwater]

SweetSilverBird, thanks for being the first poster here and with such a great response, too! The content is perfectly appropriate to the form.

Some notes:

Line 3, the second reprise, suffers a little in my opinion from asymmetry. It would benefit from an extra syllable in the first half or one less in the second:

Open 'up' your heart -or- and don't let it fail.

Of course, this would affect the metre so how about:

Cast open your heart and don't let it fail.

In Line 8, lovers should be lovers'

I stumble over the rhythm in Line 10 at "to you". Maybe:
"O, throw out everything but love, I pray!"

Line 13, I'm not sure what you mean by 'rale'.

Line 17 seems a little out of place as it is. I get what you're going for but it doesn't seem to flow very well with the line before it. Perhaps 16&17:
"If love be prison, lock me up in jail
forever; throw away the key, I say!

What do you think?

This is a great response and completed so quickly after the form was posted. It has a brilliant sense of melody to it, Well done!

-D&W

[dustandwater]

Hi, heatherwordbender.

This was a really nice response. I wouldn't call it sententious, personally; it is very befitting of the form, I think. Also, there's nothing wrong with your near-rhymes, they all are 'near' enough to count.

I'm going to suggest a couple of changes or rethinks in the notes here:

Lines 1-3:

First of all, I really like the reprise you have gone for. It suits the villanelle very well. Also the second line was very well presented here. The third line (your second reprise) though, appears to be missing a verb, since it seems it is in the passive? It would need so say "…need to be duly swept" which affects your metre, of course...

Line 4:

The word order seemed awkward here, so maybe go with something a little more syntactically straight-forward:

Though many a private pain is quietly kept

Line 8:

The 'it' here seems to be cleft? I'm not sure what 'it' refers to. If it refers to the 'private thoughts' of above, then it should be plural, 'them'.

Line 11:

The 'and' in the middle of this line throws the rhythm off a little as I read it, so a little re-ordering should help that:

then out them, air them, let them have their say -- out them, air them then cast them away

So, what do you think?

Otherwise, I really do think it's a great piece. The sentiment is well captured and very well suited to the form. Well done!

-D&W

[dustandwater]

Wow, I'm amazed!

Such a brilliant turn out and for a rather tricky form. Super work, poets.

I'll be back with more feedback soon but now, I must head to work.

In the meantime, keep 'em comin'.

-D&W

[SweetSilverBird]

Sept 29, 2011 21:56:11 GMT -6 dustandwater said:

SweetSilverBird, thanks for being the first poster here and with such a great response, too! The content is perfectly appropriate to the form.

Some notes:

Line 3, the second reprise, suffers a little in my opinion from asymmetry. It would benefit from an extra syllable in the first half or one less in the second:

Open 'up' your heart -or- and don't let it fail.

Of course, this would affect the metre so how about:

Cast open your heart and don't let it fail.

In Line 8, lovers should be lovers'

I stumble over the rhythm in Line 10 at "to you". Maybe:
"O, throw out everything but love, I pray!"

Line 13, I'm not sure what you mean by 'rale'.

Line 17 seems a little out of place as it is. I get what you're going for but it doesn't seem to flow very well with the line before it. Perhaps 16&17:
"If love be prison, lock me up in jail
forever; throw away the key, I say!

What do you think?

This is a great response and completed so quickly after the form was posted. It has a brilliant sense of melody to it, Well done!

-D&W

Thank you D&W. It was a pleasure to have a chance to try a new poetic form. I really enjoyed it!

You have me wondering about the second reprise. I wonder if part of it is that, with the pentameter I tend to revert to older english, and will tend to say 'do not', or 'can not' rather than their contractions. The form is old, so I tend to want to 'speak' old. Silly me. But I'm a pretty old lady, y'know. But it would do me no harm to try out new ways. why not?

Now, about 'rale'. Rale, rail, reyl.
verb (used without object)
1.
to utter bitter complaint or vehement denunciation (often followed by at or against ): to rail at fate.
I found it at Websters dictionary and Dictiionary.com. It is just as I learned it, but of course, another old thing, that is probably pretty archaic now. It just comes flowing out of this old brain, as though it were everyday speech.. habit forming I tell ya! LOL But this one I think I'll keep.

But I do like your suggestions very much. I think if I make changes to make it more modern in one place, then it must be modern all over, and if I want to keep it archaic, then it should be archaic all over. Symmetry.

I definitely know you are right on about the cadence and meter. I like your suggestions.

Thanks for the lovely romp through the Villanelle form!

[heatherwordbender]

Firstly -thank you so much for your in depth notes as well as such a fun exercise.

I, like SSB, was indulging older forms. Line 3 -I believe dropping the infinitive is "legal" though that doesn't make it necessarily the best option. And this is inconsistent with the usage I have in the line which ends "to be gay" ...which rather bothers me. Line 4...I am beginning to suspect I chose passive voice and the wording I did because it emphasizes passive suffering. I want to go back and look at that.

Line 8 "it" is "pain"

I am all off and pondering now, Reiterating my thanks...

I've adjusted some. Your changes to line 11 and...one other spot repaired the meter nicely. The use of predicate as modifier (infinitive dropped) is common here where I live and, for some reason, I am married to using it in this. Possibly it feels more evocative of that 'holding back of what really shouldn't be retained' sense of suppressed emotion that I argue against? Not sure.

[dustandwater]

Brigid, hi.

Well, first of all, I couldn't help but draw a line from my man on the pier and your man on the beach, so I felt an instant connection straight away. After that, I really liked your double reprise here. It lays the foundation for a very good Villanelle.

You've used an inconsistent metro. I mentioned in the intro/tutorial that the line length/metre is not strict in the villanelle, given it's varied history. That said, I think consistency would benefit the piece and considering you're so close, I'd say it's worth another look. Interestingly, mine on this board is a rare pentameter from me, I often go with a tetrameter as you have mostly done. So, I'd say go back and put an unstressed syllable at the starts of lines 10, 13, 14 16 & 17.

Another option, just in the interest of keeping things fresh, would be to make the first lines of each tercet (but the first) one syllable short, in which case you could take a syllable away from lines 4 and 7 and only add to line 17.

I'd consider changing 'though', opening the second line to, 'while' or 'as'. I can see exactly why you have gone with 'though', but I don't think the concept is strong enough to support it. I don't think the two things are mutually exclusive. The image of moonlight on the sea could just as well be placed in the background of a dramatic mournful scene as a happy one, I feel. Just a thought.

Apart from that, your rhymes are crisp and your content is brilliantly suited to the form. Well done.

Great work, Brigid!

-D&W