Session 3: Rondeau

[dustandwater]

First of all, congratulations and thanks to those of you who joined us last week with for the Villanelle. It was quite a challenge and so many of you rose to it and with gusto, to boot.

This week's form is another Frenchie but is a little less challenging.

It had its start in the thirteenth century when it was most often a lyrical form. Given this setting, content usually had a spiritual, romantic or even seasonal theme. Generally upbeat, some would write songs of melancholy and suffering but with the final stanza giving a sense of positivity, of c'est la vie

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Form

The poem takes its name from the French 'ro(u)nd', which refers to its repetitive rhyme-scheme and refrain. It consists of fifteen eight-syllable lines in total, divided into three stanzas of one quintet, one quatrain and one sestet. It employs two rhymes plus a possible third in the refrain, which is taken from the first half of the opening line - older tradition was for the refrain to be free from the rhyme-scheme, while post nineteenth century English contributions tend to follow it, finding the poem more effective that way.

Here's a clearer look at that rhyme-scheme, with same letters rhyming and capital letters repeated as the refrain (here I show the refrain as adhering to the rhyme-scheme but that is not necessary).

(B1)-a
a
b
b
a

a
a
b
B1

a
a
b
b
a
B1

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Perhaps the most famous example of the Rondeau is John McCrae's World War I poem, 'In Flanders Fields'.

In Flanders fields the poppies blow (C-a)

Between the crosses, row on row, (a)

That mark our place; and in the sky (b)

The larks, still bravely singing, fly (b)

Scarce heard amid the guns below. (a)


We are the Dead. Short days ago (a)

We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow, (a)

Loved and were loved, and now we lie, (b)

In Flanders fields. (C)


Take up our quarrel with the foe: (a)

To you from failing hands we throw (a)

The torch; be yours to hold it high. (b)

If ye break faith with us who die (b)

We shall not sleep, though poppies grow (a)

In Flanders fields. (C)

This poem, from 1915, was supposedly written the day after McCrae witnessed the death of a close friend. While it's apparent that the conditions of war are dire, the poem abide's by the form's tradition of being positive in mood and certainly ends with a sense of pride and empowerment. Note, the refrain here is separate from the established rhyme-scheme.

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So, I suppose it's time for my own attempt:

My love is strong, it will not wane;
it will not fade as seasons change;
it will not pale in shining sun;
nor under pressure, come undone,
won't wash away in pouring rain.

My love is neither mad nor sane,
so can't be cured and won't be tamed;
some tried but it could not be done.
My love is strong.

My love is far from being plain;
its vibrant colours never drain.
My love will never hide or run,
no matter how tough life becomes;
My love will overcome all pain.
My love is strong.

...and now, it's your turn!

[SweetSilverBird]

Okay, I'll bite again. Here is one quick, if simple little try.

Where I Was Born
by Deborah Neher

Where I was born, -the north country
Is not a friend to you, nor me.
It matters not what seasons run,
there's either too much snow or sun,
and frozen you are apt to be-
or be bled dry by bugs, you see.
As if by terrible decree
I left the town of Edmonton
Where I was born.
I couldn't wait to be set free.
Elsewhere I sought my destiny.
My heritage could be undone.
It really wasn't any fun!
I left behind my ancestry-
Where I was born.

[heatherwordbender]

Into Life

Step forward though you barely know;
Step lightly, smiling as you go.
When once a path is laid out plain
Move on and don't look back again.
And feel your confidences grow.

Improvement hurts, progress is slow;
And effort ill-repaid lays low.
Remember e'en the smallest gain
Step forward.

We reap, remember, what we sow.
What once we started long ago,
Now a burden and heavy drain
Beyond what we can well sustain.
Think back to when you knew it though -
(And) Step forward.



Really I am loving these challenges...that this should be so fun surprises me a bit. But it makes me purr... love them.

*spaced and punctuated. But rrrr...I like that last [and]
**Bought at whatever price or pain[/i] extra line removed

[SweetSilverBird]

Heather, that was gorgeous. Not only gorgeous, but brilliant! I love it when you write like this!!!! (can you tell I'm impressed? )

[heatherwordbender]

oh my...blushes and bashful toe twuddles...my thanks. I really do enjoy it. Just that I seldom come up with it on my own, I guess.

[Brigid Briton]

Hi d&w,

Thanks for another great lesson and challenge! You're so good at this!

I hope I've done a better job with this than I did with the villanelle. This one only half boggled my mind (unlike the full-blown boggle of the villanelle!)

With Fall's Return

With fall’s return, the leaves like flame,
another woman wears your name.
This time of year is when I grieve,
and vainly hope for some reprieve,
but every day now seems the same.

I always lose in this sad game,
with you the prize I could not claim,
I curse the rules I’ve yet to learn,
with fall’s return.

I know this season’s not to blame,
for all my sorrow, guilt and shame.
I cannot tell you how I yearn,
to take your letters, watch them burn,
like dried up leaves consumed by flame,
with fall’s return.

[dustandwater]

SweetSliverBird, well done for responding so quickly. Would've loved to reply sooner but I've been busy.

I like this a lot. It follows the form precisely and I think the refrain is strong and I particularly like the sense of irony that it brings to your anti-nostalgia poem.

I wouldn't really change much about this but here are my notes:

I would split the stanzas up; it will increase the presence of the refrain and improve readability, not to mention that it follows the form.

I'd also give it a quick proof for punctuation. I'll leave that to you unless you want specifics but one I'll point out is putting the second half of the first line into parenthesis and removing the comma:

Where I was born - the north country -

That's it, really. A great response and so quick! I look forward to seeing you back here next week.

-D&W

[dustandwater]

heatherwordbender, hi. Another quick response. Well done!

This is great; it's very concise and fits well with the challenges set back in the thirteenth century to make a point as fully as possible within the constraints of the form.

The refrain should be a half line, so four syllables. That said, the refrain you have works very well. I'd definitely remove the 'and' in the last line.

As with SweetSilverBird, I would recommend that you separate the three stanzas and give the piece a proof for punctuation. Again, if you want specifics I can do that.

I'm really glad you're enjoying the Form Focus sessions. I'm enjoying your entries. Keep at 'em!

-D&W

[dustandwater]

Hey, Brigid. Great to see you joining us with these and really happy that you're enjoying them. Especially considering you're not normally a 'rhymer' by choice.

I like this a lot. The rhythm is nice and consistent and it presents the kind of sentiment that most of my own poems do. On the other hand though, for this form the content should really be more upbeat. I think I can see a slight sense of hope in the final stanza but it seems more like a futile desire than it does a true resolution.

In reality, this doesn't really matter and I do like the poem a lot so it really just comes down to whether or not you want to master the tradition of the form.

However, you should review the rhyme scheme. It seems you switched your (B) rhyme part way through - the first stanza rhymes 'grieve; with 'reprieve' but for the rest of the poem you are using rhymes of 'return' from your refrain. While it isn't necessary, incorporating the refrain into the rhyme-scheme certainly adds strength. Take another look at the first stanza, lines 3 and 4 to tie up the rhyme-scheme.

I'd also suggest removing the commas from line-ends 10 and 12.

Again, I think this is an excellent poem, even if it is not completely traditional. While it'd be nice to see you sort out the rhyme-scheme, it's really up to you as far as content goes. I know you like to play around with modernising forms anyway, and I do like what you've written here.

Keep it up and be sure to come back next week.

-D&W

[Brigid Briton]

Hi d&w

Ack! Well, I thought this form only half-boggled my mind, but judging by my blatant introduction of two lines which didn't fit the rhyming scheme proves that I was wrong! I must admit that this faux pas was the result of my switching from what had been my intended rhyme scheme to another, then forgetting to change those two lines. Let's just say it was one of many "senior moments".

You're right about the commas in lines 10 & 12.

It wasn't really my intent to modernize the form. I guess you could say I was more caught up with the challenge of the rhyme scheme than with the tradition, which is another reason, I suppose that I prefer not to rhyme.

Even though free verse is my preference, I must say that I enjoy (even though pulling my hair out) these exercises in rhyming. For me, anything that pulls me outside of my comfort zone is an opportunity to learn. I can almost feel my poor synapses popping with the challenge of something new. Once again, d&w, I thank you for providing me (and everyone else) with this opportunity to grow as poets in such a gentle, instructive atmosphere.

I notice in your comment to Heather that the refrain should be literally half of the first line, or four syllables, which, of course, mine is not. I'm wondering if that's a hard and fast rule. For me, the first phrase in my line one seemed like the first half (rather than the first 3/8ths). You didn't point out the four-syllable rule in your comment to me so I'm wondering if you were just being kind, or whether you think there's some fractional wiggle room on this.

I will take this one back to the drawing board (which I can't promise about my villanelle) and see what I can come up with.

[heatherwordbender]

teehee...you asked what I was afraid to...I don't WANT to have to fabricate another syllable out of that. It seems 4 syllables is most common, 5 has been done, so...it's possible to get by...but I still need to give up my [and].

[Brigid Briton]

OK, I've done a re-write and removed the errant rhymes. I've stuck with the three syllable refrain, but made an attempt at making the closing stanza more upbeat. (You really have to read between the lines, but, burning the letters means she's through with the scoundrel!)

With Fall's Return (Revised)

With fall’s return, the leaves like flame,
The wind is cold, my heart the same.
Soon winter comes, the summer spurned,
this in-between time makes me yearn
for something that I dare not name.

I always lose in this sad game,
with you the prize I could not claim,
I curse the rules I’ve yet to learn,
with fall’s return.

I know that autumn’s not to blame,
for all my sorrow, guilt and shame.
Now, this is where my season turns,
as, like the leaves, your letters burn,
becoming ash, consumed by flame,
with fall’s return.

[dustandwater]

Brigid,

I'm glad you chose to revisit; I love your new piece. Well done. Regarding your refrain, unless I'm missing out on some dialectal disagreement here, it is four syllables...

• with • fall's • re • turn •

That last stanza is definitely stronger than before, as well. An excellent rewrite!

Heather,

you say 5 syllables has been done with the refrain. I'm sure you're probably right, though I'm not sure where you mean. As I said, I like your refrain even though it is a syllable short, so it's really up to you whether you choose to follow the rule or not. I would still push for losing the [and], though.
Also, in your *starred notes, you mention that an extra line has been removed? I don't recall there being too many and your original is not on display anymore.. did I miss something?

Thanks for working with my notes, poets. You make this whole thing worthwhile.

-D&W

[Brigid Briton]

Ye gods, d&w! Now, I can't even tell the difference between a syllable and a word! I hope you and the other mods are prepared to take over the forum once I've completely lost my mind!

[heatherwordbender]

I have changed the color of the removed line, which originally followed "Remember e'en the smallest gain." Other changes are merely punctuation I'd neglected and the breaks between.

I researched in a couple places, but it was here: www.poetrymagnumopus.com/index.php?showtopic=1382 that I found the 5 syllable rentrement.

(that dratted [and]!! It's completely obvious form-wise that it should go...ungngg)