A State of Being

[Fire Monkey]

Grey is not a colour, it is a state of being:
When arms cannot reach far enough
And cold is not dry enough;
When everything tightens around
But there is nothing left to hold you;
When you are left naked in the night alone
And the lights are dark as they pass you by
With a rhythmic hum that numbs you;
When sleep is all around but you cannot find it within.
Cold air blows in your face from nowhere
But it means nothing.
You stop somewhere to have a smoke
And can't be bothered to light it
Because you can't remember why you should.
Somewhere you think there was a reason
But you do not know what it was
Because it is numb and there is nothing left to say.

Copyright July 16, 2010 by Timothy Emil Birch

[Brigid Briton]

Hi Tim,

You've posted some pretty good examples of depression and this is another. I love the idea of gray being a state of being---I know how it is! I'm a little confused by the "it is numb" ---I don't know whether it refers to the narrator or to the state of being. "It is numb" sounds almost like a description of the weather, like "It is cold". Perhaps it's just my density, but I think a bit of clarification is called for.



Brigid

[Fire Monkey]

I wrote this poem while riding home on the greyhound from my mother's funeral, so yes, it is very much depressed. I guess that while I have had many happy times in my life, I also am well acquainted with the not so happy and so that often appears in my poetry since often that is what I need to express.

As for the phrase "it is numb" - that is intentionally ambiguous as it refers to life, to self, to the whole experience of the moment but more directly to the reason spoken of above. Basically, everything is numb, even the things that can't be.