Session 5: Sonnet

[dustandwater]

Well, after some fantastic discussions in last weeks' session, I'm back with a new form. Thanks to all of you who joined in with Tanka; I hope to see you here as well.

The Sonnet is another heavily structured form and also another favourite of mine.

It is a European form and like many of the forms that spread across the continent, it boasts a considerable number of variations. The Sonnet originated in Tuscany, Italy, created by the head of the Sicillian School, Giacomo da Lentini in the early 1200s. They were written prolifically in France and Italy for the first few hundred years. In fact, the name comes from the Italian 'sonetto', meaning little song, which is also found in the Occitan 'sonet'.

In the 14th Century of the most notable writer's of the sonnet, Petrarch, wrote a collection of 366 sonnets, popularising the basic structure for the form as we see it today. His collection and most sonnets of the time were essentially love songs.

The form was brought to England by Sir Thomas Wyatt in the early 16th Century, translating some of Petrarch's pieces from Italian to English as well as writing his own. Chronologically, Wyatt's Sonnets can be seen to start with very close ties to those of Petrarch's but to deviate in structure and metre with his later contributions.

Though Wyatt's role in the birth of the English Sonnet was an important one, it could never be denied that William Shakespeare, the great bard, is the most famous writer of English Sonnets; indeed, the English Sonnet is often called the Shakespearian Sonnet. He wrote some 150 sonnets containing themes of love, beauty and mortality.

Around the period of Wyatt and Shakespeare and since, the form has been developed a great deal, the Earl of Surrey being attributed with the rhyme-scheme and Milton being considered to have truly perfected the form. Other notable writers include Donne, Wordsworth, Keats alongside countless others.

---

So after all that, I bet you're keen to know how it's done?

As is suggested above, the form has changed quite a bit since its creation by Giacomo da Lentini of Tuscany. Though there are many names closely associated with the form, I'm going to focus on the Shakespearian Sonnet as it is undoubtedly the most recognisable in the English speaking world.

All sonnets have fourteen lines but the structure varies. In the English Sonnet, there are three quatrains and a closing couplet. They traditionally take iambic pentameter (10 syllables of 5 pairs), though other metre have been used and traditional Italian Sonnets would often use alexandrine.

Below is the structure and rhyme-scheme, with same letters rhyming.

a
b
a
b
c
d
c
d
e
f
e
f
g
g

Note that, as with the other elements, other rhyme-schemes were around before this one.

Here's a well known example from William Shakespeare himself:

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? (a)

Thou art more lovely and more temperate: (b)

Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, (a)

And summer's lease hath all too short a date: (b)

Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines, (c)

And often is his gold complexion dimm'd; (d)

And every fair from fair sometime declines, (c)

By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd; (d)

But thy eternal summer shall not fade (e)

Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest; (f)

Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade, (e)

When in eternal lines to time thou growest: (f)
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, (g)

So long lives this and this gives life to thee. (g)

---

...and so, it's time for one of mine.

In you, I found a faith I'd never had ,
a reason to believe in greater things.
In you, I saw good triumph over bad;
I saw how people could develop wings.
In you, I found a faith I'd never known;
I found a magic rich with holy grace,
a brilliance that could have never grown
up from the soil of this vile cursed place.
In you, I found a faith I'd never seen;
Such virtue, I am sure, must have been born
where no one of this world had ever been
and when you went back there, my soul was torn.
In you I found a faith I have since lost;
for love so great, one pays a heavy cost.

So come on. Give the sonnet a go. Remember, it is traditionally a poem dedicate to the subject of the poet's love, though more modern sonnets have contained religious, political and seasonal themes.

Show us what you've got!

-D&W

[SweetSilverBird]

Yay!!! Bring it!!! I'll play!

I love the sonnet.

[heatherwordbender]

Mee too!!!
;D ;D ;D

[dustandwater]

Sorry for the delay, poets.

Glad to see you're keen and eager though. Have at it!

-D&W

[SweetSilverBird]

Hi D&W and thanks for doing the sonnet this week. As you know a couple weeks or so ago, I wrote one in the rhyming section that was called 'A Shy Sonnet. That was a love one. The one I wrote earlier today is one on mortality. Here goes:

Rue the Day

From in the shadows I look back on life,
I dream the past; to when I once had been.
Not as today, where all my world is strife,
but to the days when youth was all serene
How good it was to be alive back then,
to hold a hand or touch another's cheek.
The caverns of my heart were soon a'spin,
and altruistic treasures did I seek.
I spent my patience till it all was gone.
I spent my life till there was nothing left.
The pretty bloom is well and truly done,
I find myself,of peace and hope,bereft.
Of "living to the full", let me now speak;
"To grow old, is not for those who are weak!"

[heatherwordbender]

Sonnet. Love. I tried not to say it much. Or take too obvious a tack having chosen love as a subject. If I come up with further ideas I will have at again. But for the nonce:


I feel no need to say that I love you,
It's hardly that that's anything but clear,
But rather that I take a different view,
Prefer to name you something far more dear.

Yours is the soul which rights and balances
My soul inside myself so I run straight,
Through your eyes all my petty grievances
Cease to irk and readily dissipate.

The axis to my rapid spinning world,
Which leaves me all unfettered, spinning free,
My feet which used to lose track of the ground
Instead rely on you for gravity.

I love you has, somehow, a lesser sound
When you are what I've wrapped my life around.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

I feel no need to state my love for you,
It's hardly that that's anything but clear,
But rather that I take a different view,
Prefer to name you something far more dear.

It's yours, the soul which rights and balances
My own inside myself so I run straight,
Through your eyes all my petty grievances
No longer irk and quickly dissipate.

The axis to my rapid spinning world,
Which leaves me all unfettered, spinning free,
My feet which used to lose track of the ground
Instead rely on you for gravity.

I love you has, somehow, a lesser sound
When you are what I've wrapped my life around.

**removed this: I feel no need to speak of love for you

[SweetSilverBird]

I have another one. I wrote this this evening. Can't leave the love alone, can I?


To Touch Your Star
by Deborah Neher

When from my dreams I waken in the night,
and there my seeking arms still find you gone;
I panick as the visions all take flight.
For I forgot in dreams I was alone

With tenderness I think of you, away,
as if by reaching out i'd touch your star.
But I know I could never make you stay
and so I long for you just where you are.

I know you too wish you could be with me
and when I wake, you then begin to dream.
For half a world away you'll always be,
and true love cannot be what it would seem.

Sunrise and Moonrise, we dance to their rhyme,
in your half of the world, and I in mine.

[dustandwater]

Sweetsilverbird. Well, look at you!

Let's begin with your first, 'Rue the Day'. You mentioned the Sonnet a few times and also that you were excited for this week's session so I can assume that this is a favourite of yours. I hope you still learned something from the Introduction, or perhaps you can add some insight for us?

Anyway, what I'm getting at is that this is a brilliant write. I really like the theme and the the message struck a personal chord. I really like how the Shakespearian Sonnet affords a sense of contemplation in the closing couplet.

The one thing I would say is that your final line is not naturally iambic. This is the natural rhythm as I see it:

To grow old, is not for those who are weak

Right now, I'm struggling with a rewrite there. I'll get back to you if anything comes. Really though, you can get away with it. It just makes a piece stronger when the rhythm is consistent and also, for me I find a sense of personal achievement in it.

I'd say much the same for your second, too. Another great sentiment and you're right, it does just seem that love and romance fall so well into the walls of the Sonnet.

Like before, the penultimate line doesn't naturally read as iambic. Again, here is how I see the natural rhythm:

Sunrise and Moonrise, we dance to their rhyme

Of course, any line can be forced to read as iambic, but the challenge is finding words that stress that way naturally.

Whether or not you choose to rewrite those few lines, I think you've done some fantastic work here. Well done!

-D&W

[dustandwater]

heatherwordbender, I really enjoyed reading this.

The sentiment is truly beautiful.

A minor note is that, for the sake of tradition, the Shakespearian Sonnet is usually arranged in a single stanza. I won't deny that I think it looks better separated as yo have done and I often do the same. Just pointing out the standard.

Also, your metre is somewhat inconsistent which does make the reading slightly more difficult. The lines that do follow iambic pentameter flow so smoothly that those which don't seem to stutter and stumble a bit. Of course, poetry needn't always be in such a metre, but if one chooses to use it, the piece does suffer from inconsistencies.

Lines 1 & 5 are the main culprits. Here is how they naturally read:

I feel no need to say that I love you

Yours is the soul which rights and balances

While they are fine alone and become easier after a few reads, it is noticeable that they don't quite fit. They can be turned and tailored to fit an iambic rhythm but intonation then changes meanings.

Just something to think about in terms of perfection. It's really a great write.

-D&W

[heatherwordbender]

D&W...the way I read them they are... At first is sounded strange to me to read them the way you do as it alters the meaning. Reflecting now on whether changing that interpretation is wise.





**in fact, I may boo...hmm.

[dustandwater]

heatherwordbender, that is certainly interesting.

For the first line to be stressed in iambic rhythm, the poem would need to be a response to someone saying "I love you" to the poet, rather than a musing. Is that the intended case?

Likewise, for the fifth line to be stressed with iambic rhythm, it would need to be in response to the subject telling the poet that he is not the one for her - thus the poem would be an argument, a contradiction directed at the subject. Is that the intended case?

I am certainly very intrigued now as those intonations seem rather odd given the content of the poem. Remember, by natural, I mean how these sentences would be intoned were they spoken in conversation. It is easy to force lines to follow a syllabic pattern without even realising we are, sometimes.

Consider the lines without the rest of the poem. How are you delivering them to your subject?

-D&W

[diannet]

I am wondering if a sonnet can be humourous??? It is about love and well here we go...

Que Sera Sera

It’s only my heart that gets carried away
When thoughts of you do linger
Oh please let it be to the heavens I pray
For a wedding band of my finger

Angels shall sing soprano duets
As I glide to you down the aisle
Counting all your financial assets
As my radiance beams to you in a smile

No more to be single, careless and free
I will be wife with the white picket fence
Together we will sip homemade iced tea
In a home where we’ve spared no expense

And when you get down, I will be there, to kiss away the onset of blues
Then parade for you my wonderful gowns, and an endless array of shoes.

[SweetSilverBird]

Thank you D&W for your excellent critique. I agree with you. Now the task will be to find a way to rewrite those lines in the correct tempo. I really want to. I have a week, right?

I very much appreciate your introducing the sonnet to our forum. I have loved sonnets since I was a teen, but only have written maybe 5 or 6. I have used iambic pentametre though, so I'm not a complete stranger.

In other weeks, perhaps we will try some other forms of sonnets as well. It is fun when we play together.

[SweetSilverBird]

For the love poem, I think i'll change the couplet at the end to:


I call out to my moon to dance his rhyme
on your side of the world, and then in mine

What do you think? Does this put the proper emphasis on the second syllables?

[SweetSilverBird]

Oct 20, 2011 1:34:03 GMT -6 diannet said:

I am wondering if a sonnet can be humourous??? It is about love and well here we go...

Que Sera Sera

It’s only my heart that gets carried away
When thoughts of you do linger
Oh please let it be to the heavens I pray
For a wedding band of my finger

Angels shall sing soprano duets
As I glide to you down the aisle
Counting all your financial assets
As my radiance beams to you in a smile

No more to be single, careless and free
I will be wife with the white picket fence
Together we will sip homemade iced tea
In a home where we’ve spared no expense

And when you get down, I will be there, to kiss away the onset of blues
Then parade for you my wonderful gowns, and an endless array of shoes.

Diannet, your poem is charming and funny, but though you got the rhyme scheme just right, i didn't see the iambic pentametre. Thre should be no more than 10 syllables on each line in a
'da DUH da DUH da DUH da DUH da DUH sort of emphasis in your words on each line. It is quite constraining and not at all forgiving if it is to be a sonnet. I am sure you could rewrite it a little and tame it! You're a great writer!

[heatherwordbender]

D&W,

-The sonnet is a defense in response the question why I don't say those words.

I'm puzzling a bit. The first line was in fact reworked from "...say I love you" to what I posted just to maintain the iamb. Additionally, when I read it with the "love" emphasized it brings that word and all its baggage to the fore, and away from redefining exactly what I am saying is going on. Think I'll rewrite and see if I come up with something. It's easily possible that I am hearing the meaning which fits the meter. More tightly written I could avoid the interp entirely...

Never addressed the other: The line breaks are simply stubbornness. I dislike quatrains being all smashed up against one another and use breaks with malice aforethought. ;D Very glad that rule is not so hard and fast as to require too much respect.

[dustandwater]

heatherwordbender,

With regards to the iamb, I think that is precisely why it's often useful to have someone read your work. It's very easy to put down words and be swept away by the metro without realizing what it might have down to your intent.

I think that stressing love in the first is what you need. Not because it stresses 'love', but because it doesn't stress 'I' and 'you'. The syllabic stress on 'love' is natural so wouldn't add emphasis but the syllabic stress falling on 'I' and 'you' is not natural and so brings with it extra emphasis on who the subjects are rather than the feeling.

As for the line breaks, I entirely agree. The structure of the Shakespearian sonnet, quatrain-quatrain-quatrain-couplet, is an interesting one that leads to a rather explorative piece so I find it a shame that each group isn't given its own space to breath.

Of course, this is why there are so many variations to one form. For the sake of the session, I would push them together but I must say, for the sake of the poem, leave them as they are!

-D&W

[heatherwordbender]

Done. Better conforming, but I think it weakens my argument in the first line. Which boohiss, . I'm off to try another, non-love sort...

[dustandwater]

Heatherwordbender,

the rewrite is great and actually, I don't think you've lost anything from that first line.

I'm looking forward to seeing what else you have.

-D&W

[dustandwater]

Sweetsilverbird,

you've captured the metre well with your rewrite there. Now though, I'm not sure of the semantics, dance being agent to rhyme.

Perhaps something like:

as Sun and Moon did rise, you'd ____ their rhyme
in your half of the world and I, in mine.

I can't think of an appropriate verb there ('dance to' would be okay semantically of course, but now doesn't fit the metre).



diannet,

Sweetsilverbird's comment says all that I would have. A great poem and very witty but to be a sonnet, it will need to follow the metre, I'm afraid:

Iambic metre should be stressed like this.

and pentameter requires exactly ten syllables (five iambs) to a line.

-D&W