Hair Washed in Beer, a memory

[eiken]

She was gentle
as she washed my hair in beer,
rolled it in curlers
for Sunday best.

It was summer,
she sat on the windowsill.
arms crossed, chatting with neighbours.
She wore her pink lipstick smile,
her grey dress
with bright fuchsia polka dots,
and crisp white collar.
And me,
a matching dress
made from the remnants.
We were twins,
mother and daughter,
all things
beautiful.

I cannot recall when her smile faded,
her face nettled with anger,
gnarled by drink,
her chain smoking,
the bag of pills.

In a drunken stupor,
our dinner splattered the lino,
She lunged with the ladle,
slipped and fell,
sliding in the thick slimy mess.
Writhing with anger,
hatred burned from her eyes
as she thrashed all around her.
I ran, with nowhere to go,
hid for hours behind the Beech tree,
rocking my sister for warmth.

An old woman now,
she remembers her life
solely with regret.
I remember
her pink lipstick smile.

[SweetSilverBird]

Eiken, your descriptive talents - so often used to describe nature and scenery, now works so well for you in bringing to life, these scenes. You take us right there. I find myself wanting to cringe from that ladle - it is that visceral!

Having been in that situation myself and hiding younger siblings and keeping them safe when just a child - I know all too well your experience. I am so proud of you for writing about it. It actually is good for me too, when you write about it. I feel as though I've got a 'sister' out there.

[heatherwordbender]

Ohhh...nice write.

[diannet]

A terrific write Eiken. I love the way you've put this together, a well constructed poem and you've handled the drama well without going over the top, which makes it even more dramatic.

[eiken]

SweetsilverBird,
I am more than happy to have you as a sister here I realise I am not unusual, many have had a similar life to me and writing about it helps me and sharing it here feels safe. Thank you for reading and commenting.

[eiken]

Heather,
Thank you for reading and commenting, I appreciate it.

[eiken]

Dianne,
I tried very hard to contain the emotions in this piece. I am going to visit my mother and father this weekend and my sister has had problem with mother again, she is forever trying to find medication to blur her world of regrets and at 78, she is still doing it, going to doctors, taking lots of tablets, that bag of pills is as difficult today as it was when I was a very young child. Because she is not drinking now, she thinks meds are okay because they are prescribed. She never adheres to the dose so the struggle continues. I had to call her doctor this week to chat, to get my mother into line again. She will listen to the doctor for a while but will not listen to me or my sister. Whew, the reality of life can be harsh. Thank you for your comments, I truly appreciate them.

[Reilley]

Very nuanced images in this one, the last stanza is a killer.

[diannet]

Oh Eiken, seems like you're going through a stressful time both physically and emotionally...at least you have poetry, it gets it out and I know that always makes me feel better. I hope things get better for you and your sister.

[fayestokley]

This is a great piece. I love the moment you capture... of glancing back in memory to try to make sense of what went wrong.

[Brigid Briton]

Hi eiken,

Sorry it took me so long to get to this. Other duties called...

This is another wonderful write, capturing so many different emotions: comfort, security, love, rejection, pain, fear, tolerance, acceptance and, back to love. Great job letting us see the woman your mother once was.

I hope that your weekend is going well (as well as may be expected) and that you can keep on remembering that pink lipstick and your matching polka dot dresses as you deal with your mother's current situation.

All the best to all of you, my friend.

Brigid

[eiken]

Reilley, Dianne, Fayestokley and Brigid,
I got back from visiting my mother, father and sister yesterday and all seems well but I just need to move onto lighter writing now, enough of the difficult times. I will continue to write what comes but I need to focus on the wonderful life I have today with hubby. Must get my head around some nice topics.
Thank you all for your comments. I truly appreciate them.

[Fire Monkey]

A powerful write - the images are captured perfectly. I personally really love the conclusion - that last stanza is a perfect ending to the whole work.

[eiken]

Tim,
Thank you for your kind comments. It is cathartic to write about this time of my life, it was "normal" back then but it damaged me and my siblings in different ways. I got away at 23 and married my husband and thankfully he was the good man I hoped he would be. He helped me to turn my life around because I was not all he bargained for He had some surprises with me but so did I and I am really happy with my life for a long time, I am lucky, I survived to tell the tale and with memories without anger. She did not set out to be an alcoholic or to have mental health problems, I don't blame her at all, I love her unconditionally and will always be the first one to help her if I can. I am saddened that she whinges about her life all the time, she does not remember anything good and I, the child (I was 6 in this poem) remember so much beauty that surrounded her and was her before it all changed when I was 11. Thank you for reading and commenting.

[thisismyengland]

Yes, the rawness works, as does the change of pace at the segue from good memories to bad.

[eiken]

thisismyengland,
Thank you so much for your thoughts, I appreciate all comments and this is a raw write, I hardly changed anything from the first write to the end one, it just came out of me onto the page. It was easy because it is and was so much of my life. People say "write about what you know" and I have just started opening up and doing that now after a lifetime of secrets. Thank you

[rachael2903]

Hi Eiken, you have penned a very powerful write here. I love the opening, the gentleness, the suggestion of care and love before it all went dreadfully wrong.

I love the next stanza also with such strong visual images. Really like that pink lipstick smile, and the bright fuchsia polka dots and crisp white collar, and the matching dress made from the remnants.

There is great pain and tragedy in the next line;

'I cannot recall when her smile faded' and the descriptions of'nettled with anger and gnarled by drink' are very well described.

There is great tragedy in that final stanza, for both mother and daughter. I passionately hope that mother and daughter may find a new song to sing and return to the happier carefree memories of pink lipstick smiles and polka dots, and that your mother may come to forgive herself and have peace and that the 'peace that passes all understanding may come to you also'. We are all looking for it in one way or another. Rachael x

[eiken]

Rachael,
I have definately found some peace now but I am not sure what to make of my mother. She did not set out to be alcoholic, she did not intend for our lives to be blighted by her pain but it was and still is an ongoing saga. She never really got to live as she wanted to and while she does have some peace today, any change that comes into her life causes her to panic so she is high maintenance with me and my sister, we are forever fixing her life. She is a very intelligent woman, she goes to mass daily, is very religious in the conventional sense. I wish she would look around her and see the wonderful adults we have become in our own way and see what is right under her nose. I remember all things good and love her unconditionally.