A Vampires Lament

[diannet]

Whatever Happened to Bela/ and Christopher Lee?

Vampires
Follically challenged pale face creatures
With orthodontic problems
I am disappointed
And excuse the pun but you... suck
Who took away your undead soul?

Oh I remember that full moon
Looming just above dark forests
Menacing winds hissing through trees
The thunder of horse’s hooves with the rattle of a carriage
Along a desolate road,
Slow... wild...manes billowing high
Ooow oooooow of an owl

A nervous passenger staring out the window
Regretting his decision to travel on this night
With the bats screaming overhead
Feeling the cold ice of your presence
Yet still hoping...it was only his imagination
At the crossroads, the coach stops
The door creaks open...and no one is there
“Out,” the driver says, deep and controlled.
“We travel no further this night...another carriage will come at daylight.”

The passenger protests in vain, as some long extended arm
pushes him out the door and he falls to the ground.
The carriage takes off...silently this time and disappears into the night.
A lone wolf calls, as the winds rise
He shivers, cowering against the night
And then...from nowhere... you emerge with a hiss...

Now you’re just as likely to be standing at the cosmetic counter
of a department store trying out new hair products
Consulting a plastic surgeon for the latest chiselled look
Wearing Armani suits and having dental surgery
And god forbid acting like a spoilt rich celebrity
I bet you even have a gym membership
What happened???

Marketing?

Like everything...stick into a slick sexy package
And give it a one word label

Twilight

Oh dear...
Well...goodbye you vile creature of the night
No longer do the wolves make sweet music
And if you don’t mind, my carriage awaits
I doubt there’ll be anything to worry about this night.

[heatherwordbender]

This is just oh so fun...

Input:
Ever so slightly curious about how you've set this up, with the tone in the first 5 lines. It almost 'outs' the ending...not sure though whether it is integral to how your reader concludes...?? Possibly the 2nd and 3rd lines are not quite integral? I like them. Just not sure of how they relate to the whole.

[Reilley]

I agree! How I hate the lace-cuffed, self-indulgent, introspective tortured loners that vampires have become. I blame Lestat.

Bled dry of their horror, vampires have become iconic excuses for fluid transfer in the age of AIDS, lol.

I love the tribute to classic horror in the middle of this piece, though. ;-)

[diannet]

As much as it pains me Reilley you're right it was Lestat! I wonder if we'll ever see a really horrible vampire again.

You are probably right Heather about the 2nd and 3rd lines but I like the way they build up to the little horror interlude. This was just a bit of fun, so I am not so terribly worried. Glad you thought it was fun too!

[heatherwordbender]

I do too!! I can't figure it out,

[Brigid Briton]

Hi Dianne,

Good one! Just in time for Halloween! For me, this piece screamed out for some breaks. Something like:

Vampires
Follically challenged pale face creatures
With orthodontic problems
I am disappointed
And excuse the pun but you... suck
Who took away your undead soul?

Oh I remember that full moon
Looming just above dark forests
Menacing winds hissing through trees
The thunder of horse’s hooves with the rattle of a carriage
Along a desolate road,
Slow... wild...manes billowing high
Ooow oooooow of an owl

A nervous passenger staring out the window
Regretting his decision to travel on this night
With the bats screaming overhead
Feeling the cold ice of your presence
Yet still hoping...it was only his imagination
At the crossroads, the coach stops
The door creaks open...and no one is there
“Out,” the driver says, deep and controlled.
“We travel no further this night...another carriage will come at daylight.”

The passenger protests in vain, as some long extended arm
pushes him out the door and he falls to the ground.
The carriage takes off...silently this time and disappears into the night.
A lone wolf calls, as the winds rise
He shivers, cowering against the night
And then...from nowhere... you emerge with a hiss...

Now you’re just as likely to be standing at the cosmetic counter
of a department store trying out new hair products
Consulting a plastic surgeon for the latest chiselled look
Wearing Armani suits and having dental surgery
And god forbid acting like a spoilt rich celebrity
I bet you even have a gym membership
What happened???

Marketing?

Like everything...stick into a slick sexy package
And give it a one word label

Twilight

Oh dear...
Well...goodbye you vile creature of the night
No longer do the wolves make sweet music
And if you don’t mind, my carriage awaits
I doubt there’ll be anything to worry about this night.

I do think your title is a bit off, since it's not the lament of a vampire, but rather your lament about the loss of a good vampire (A good vamp is hard to find?) Something like "A Maiden's Lament" or "Whatever Happened to Bela Lugosi?" might be more appropriate. (If you feel compelled to keep your title, there should be an apostrophe after "Vampire".)

Other than that, quite enjoyable.

I've been following the discussion about vampires losing their "fear-factor" and Lestat being blamed for that. I didn't read the book "Interview With a Vampire" by Ann Rice, but I did see the movie. I don't know how Lestat was in the book, but, for me, there could hardly be anything more terrifying than Tom Cruise with blonde hair!

[diannet]

I did wonder Brigid and putting this into verses but at the time I wasn't sure it was necessary and didn't bother. Now I see how you've set it out it does seem to be the ideal.

I like the Bela title. Love Bela. I read all Anne Rice up til Memnoch the Devil... I loved them and I remember Interview with a Vampire scaring me, so much I couldn't sleep, as it was the first time anyone had convinced me that vampires could actually exist. So although I blame Letstat for what followed, he was probably the last of the horrid vampires, even with his frills.

[shannow]

hehe fun!

[Fire Monkey]

Nicely done. I felt it was a well written poem that addressed the matter in a refreshing manner. For me, I particularly liked "Wearing Armani suits and having dental surgery". I do admit that I liked Nick Knight [Vampire trying to atone for his past working as a homicide detective in Forever Knight] and Spike [from Buffy the Vampire Slayer] but not Angel [also from Buffy] but over all, the modern portrayal of the vampire is as you say, disappointing.

I think you may have inspired me - I shall have to see if I can write something of Vampires the way I see them [or saw them once upon a time] - not a piece on the vampires of today's shows but a touch of the real chilling sort that came before even Dracula. There was a time when vampires were the things of nightmares ... I have to think on it a bit.

[diannet]

I look forward to see what you write Fire Monkey I love a good vampire story or poem or whatever. (It never really goes away does it) ;D I also loved Forever Knight, I never missed an episode. I watched about 5 mins of True blood for the first time the other night...disappointing, it was like Days of Our Lives. It cracked me up, all those vampires with blood stains down the front of them. Some designer bibs might be in order me thinks!

[Fire Monkey]

;D

I was disappointed at the ending to Forever Knight, but I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised - i mean, did anyone ever really think Nick could find a happy ending?

[eiken]

Dianne,
I laughed out loud and smiled all the way through this, a beautiful write, wonderful, so enjoyable, thank you

[Fire Monkey]

I saw a quote that somehow seems to fit with this thread:

“Harry Potter is about confronting fears, finding inner strength
and doing what is right in the face of adversity.

Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend.”

― Stephen King

[diannet]

That's spot on. I actually picked up the sequel to Bram Stokers Dracula, written by a descendant of Stoker - Dacre Stoker. Thought it might be worth a read.