Vivian's Biography Challenge

[Brigid Briton]

Note: Hello, members. eiken has deleted her original post of this poem since she has entered it in a local poetry competition and the rules of that competition do not allow for it to be "published" elsewhere---including on a poetry forum. I'm leaving the thread up for a while because I think the poem spoke deeply to so many of us and I wanted you to know what happened to it! Perhaps this explains why I just couldn't seem to get it together to finish my challenge poem. (Perhaps not, but it sounds good, anyway!) I need to check with eiken about the title and the details of the poem---whether I can leave them up---but if any of you are working on a challenge poem for this thread, go ahead and post it here. Brigid

Well, it's been a while since we've had a challenge here. This one is based on eiken's recent poem, about an elderly woman which given us a glimpse into what seems to be a sad life.

The challenge is to write a poem about Vivian as a girl or young woman, based only on the fact that, now, as a lonely old woman, she pretends to trim her hedges just to be able to engage people in conversation. The results are not expected to be factual, rather theories of what her earlier life might have been like. Unless we all have the good fortune to die young (or relatively young) we all face the possibility of isolation and loneliness facing Vivian today. As for me, I'm going to try to imagine some wonderful earlier life for her---I place where she can still live---in words---today.

Your poem can be written in the first or third person and in any style you choose.

Brigid

[diannet]

Okay, I've been busy today and here is my answer to the challenge. I do believe it's a love poem.

Beyond the Hedge

Beyond the hedge and over the cliffs
The sea topples wave after wave
Each day she stands, rusty shears in hand
Staring out to the world that has gone.

As the mists of the rain, brush over her skin
A glimmer, of a memory appears
A figure of a man, just beyond the hedge
Smiling, just the way she remembered

He was a man of the sea, a Captain no less
Dark, dashing and wild
How she gasped
As the vision came clearer

A young girl, pretty, vivacious and free
Who would never hide herself from the day
Would rush to the cliffs
And stand so close to the edge
Where she balanced herself
Against
The world

A free spirit that day
Was captured
A moth in a circle of light

Spied by the eye of a captain
As smiles crossed the waves to his heart

The Captain, like a man possessed
Made his way to the top of the cliffs
Where he would stand so close to the edge
To balance himself against her world


His now rusty shears drop to the ground
As she releases her hair from its clasp
It flows like strands of sliver
as barefoot she runs to the cliff

And there,
where the waves keep pounding
So precariously close to the edge
She balanced against the world
And fell into the arms
Of her Captain

[Brigid Briton]

Aww, Dianne, this is great. You pulled it together so quickly---I'm still thinking about mine. The only thing I'm wondering on this is whether you meant "his shears" since the shears belonged to her. You're right, it's a love story. Very well done! You've set the bar on this challenge very high!



Brigid

[diannet]

Thanks Brigid, the flow of this annoyed me a little and I thought possibly it should have been a rhyme. The reason I was quick was I remembered an old manuscript of mine, that's locked in some container somewhere, it was a ghostly love story...anyway that's what came to mind.

I did mean" his shears" I thought maybe the reason Vivian uses the shears was because they belonged to her husband who is gone.

[Brigid Briton]

OK, I'm veering off from the original challenge by writing about the old woman in her current life, rather than in her younger years. I stymied myself with that original challenge and, since eiken has withdrawn her original poem which inspired this challenge, the following "fell out of my head", as Karl (aka dustandwater) likes to say:

someone wrote
a poem about me
when I was young
and pretty

I can’t remember now
who it was
or what it said
but every day

as I trim the garden hedge
and talk to strangers
passing by
I hold that knowledge
in my heart

someone wrote
a poem about me

If eiken's original poem struck some of you as hard as it did me, I hope you'll post a response poem here, whether it's set in the past or present.



Brigid

[diannet]

A nice poem Brigid. That would be something nice for Vivien to hold on to.

[daphnepurpus]

feeding
her new betsy-wetsy doll
she dreams
of a large
family

[Callisse J. DeTerre]

I could imagine my mom as a Vivian...

Recently relocated to a place of
healthy sunshine and no treacherous stairs
Old folks 20 years her senior pass by
She picks flowers and tends the bush
Friends and family left miles behind
Her crafts, though with her,
no match for tremors
Rather bored but filled with pride
(*considering the line below to replace the line above*)
Any boredom or woe, behind pleasantries, she hides

She used to make books and cards
A bank Vice President with no college degree
Started nurse's training but chose kids instead
A single mom when her youngest, me, was two
"My son, an Army Colonel, has deployed a 3rd time
My eldest daughter, the artist, has passed
My baby, a foster mom, makes jewelry and writes
Would you care to come inside?"

Trying to make new friends
Unpacking 47 years of memories
in a home bought with cash saved
This is how I imagine it
she leaves in three days
her pride won't undo my loneliness
I'm afraid I won't see her again
I don't want to leave her side

[Brigid Briton]

I am so excited by the latest responses to this challenge. Daphne, your piece is a gem. It fulfills the terms of the challenge so simply yet eloquently. Mentioning a "Betsy Wetsy" doll takes me back to my own childhood and makes the girl, Vivian, very vivid.

Callisse, I'm delighted that the challenge moved you to write about your own mom. It's different from any other response here and quite effective. I hope that, somewhere in the real Vivian's life, there is a daughter (or son) who cares as much as you do about your mom.

Thanks to both of you for your contributions!



Brigid

[daphnepurpus]

thanks, Brigid! The haiku is actually autobiographical (or is it senryu?) and I am working hard not to follow Vivian into lonely old age. Glad my haiku met the challenge as I've never written longer poems (and in fact am new to all poetry). I've sure enjoyed the other answers to the challenge! Inspirational!

[Brigid Briton]

Hi Daphne,

I wouldn't have called your poem a haiku. Although it has seventeen syllables, the traditional form is three lines. I know that modern haiku has embraced all different configurations, especially with syllable counts that are fewer than seventeen, but I personally haven't ventured out of the three-line form. Which means nothing, since I am far from an expert!

Whether this is a haiku or simply free verse, doesn't really matter, it's a great poem---reflects on Vivian's lifelong desire to be a mother and have lots of children---so sad now that she's all alone in her old age.

May I suggest that you try your hand at free verse? I adore haiku but with free verse, there's a little more leeway. Since you're new to poetry, haiku is really a great place to start since it really makes one focus on expressing an idea succinctly, yet with impact. Judging by this poem, you're already well on your way to embracing that idea---with quite a bit of skill. Just a thought.



Brigid

[daphnepurpus]

Thank you so much, Brigid, and please forgive a forgetful old lady--I meant tanka/gogoyhka not haiku/senryu. Gads, getting old is for the birds. Anyway, I appreciate your suggestion of free verse. I think I should find out just what that is. How does it differ from say gogoyhka which seems, if I get it right, to be basically five line free verse. Deciding to try my hand at poetry does seem to have opened a ton of wonderful doors!

Meanwhile thanks also for letting me know how to set my e-mail preferences as I'm now finding your wonderful site much friendlier and easier to participate in! Have a wonderful day!

[Brigid Briton]

Hi Daphne,

Free verse is poetry that is not bound by any rules of subject matter, rhyme, syllable count, etc. For me, it's basically just talking---only doing so as succinctly and clearly as possible---which most of us don't do when we're talking verbally. You can say precisely what you intend to say, without worrying about rhyming. This isn't to say that rhyming is a bad thing---just that it doesn't tend to be the way most of us talk, in "real" life. Of course, if I were going to hold myself to that standard with my free verse, I'm afraid it would be filled with "awesomes", "uhs", "you knows", etc!

I'm glad you like the notification feature---it does make it easier to keep up.

[Fire Monkey]

Daphne - the birds don't want to get old either - trust me on this, just ask Sweet Silver Bird and she will tell you that getting old is for something else, but not for the birds ;D - as a cat lover I am reminded of the expression "Old as a dog." and I think, yeah, old is for the dogs

I agree with Brigit though about trying free verse - why not take a look at some of the poems posted here in the free verse section and get a feel for it. I tend to write mostly rhymed and free verse and have always found both to be wonderful forms.

[daphnepurpus]

Thanks, Fire Monkey, and as a dog lover as well as a cat lover (I have 2 dogs and 3 cats), I suspect dogs also don't want to get old. In any case, I will check out the free verse section here for sure and give that a whirl. Thanks for the encouragement!

[Fire Monkey]

Always glad to be helpful.

Oh, you're right [actually I love most animals] dogs don't deserve getting old - dare I suggest "Old as a politician"? With my luck, we have a poet here who happens to be a politician too [heh] but it's hard to think of anything that wants to be old - well, mayybe "Getting old is for the redwoods." the seem to like it - I know Monkeys don't want to get old [working hard on telling myself it isn't happening but some mornings it's hard to believe ;D]

[daphnepurpus]

New challenge--find something/someone that wants to be old!