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Post by dustandwater on Oct 12, 2011 3:36:16 GMT -6
It's that time again. A quick nod to SweetSilverBird, heatherwordbender and Brigid, who all took part in last week's Form Focus. Great work! After a couple of heavily structured forms in the last couple of sessions (Villanelle and Rondeau), I've decided to go with something a little simpler this week with a return to Japanese forms. Today, we're going to look at Tanka. I like the Tanka in particular because of its history and that's the real reason I want to share it here as this week's form. Tanka is one of a group of forms known as Waka and is really the only surviving member. Waka was really the birth of Japanese poetry. Before the 10th century, Japanese poets used mostly Chinese style and technique and were very limited in terms of emotional expression. About then, women started writing poetry in a new written language and over the next few years, really mastered and perfected the new style. It gave Japanese writers a way to truly capture their emotions in poetry the way Kanshi (Chinese-language Japanese poetry) never had. It was perfect for lovers and became a medium for romance poems. Relationships between men and women at the time were conducted very much in private and often even married couples would live apart, if dictated by class. For these couples, the Tanka was the perfect way to communicate. They would be composed on special paper and wrapped around a branch of plum or cherry bearing flowers, which would then be hand-delivered by a personal messenger who wait wait for a response Tanka to be written. ______________________________ Well, that was a lot of history. I hope you're still with me because, being quite the romantic at heart, I really like the story of Tanka. Now that you know where they came from, I suppose I should show you how to write them. Haiku lovers may feel a hint of familiarity here. The Tanka consists of 5 units, usually written on 5 lines. The first of two phrases, or the 'upper phrase' is 5-7-5 and the second, or 'lower phrase' is 7-7. Content and style though, is quite different to Haiku. Traditional Tanka would encapsulate the feelings of longing and desire felt by lovers forced to be apart. Lots of emotion and even erotic at times. The Tanka is also more likely to make use of poetic devices like metaphor and simile than other Japanese forms, which are usually very direct and observant. As with much Japanese poetry (Haiku, Senryu, for example) there is usually a juxaposition across the two phrases, commonly featuring seasons or nature - flowers in particular feature heavily in Japanese tradition and have a strong place in Tanka. ______________________________ Here are a couple of examples: No way to see him on this moonless night - I lie awake longing, burning breasts racing fire, heart in flames. (Ono no Komachi) If only his horse had been tamed by my hand - I’d have taught it not to follow anyone else. (Izumi Shikibu) You might notice that these examples don't appear to follow the syllable pattern defined previously. This is because they are translated from Japanese into English and shouldn't throw you off. Here is one of my own: Outside, the rain falls - I watch the flowers rejoice; it has been so long since last it lavished them so - inside, I am still waiting. And now it's your turn…
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Post by diannet on Oct 12, 2011 4:36:49 GMT -6
I am so glad you decided on tanka D&W, I have really wanted to have a go at this, so with what you said about it being used as a medium for romantic poems I came up with this one. I must say I feel a little more at home with these forms than some of the others. Playing love duets your hands moved delicately creating a rise composing our own rhythm seated at the piano
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Post by heatherwordbender on Oct 12, 2011 13:19:17 GMT -6
Stride for stride we match and your thoughts slide into mine a continuum - My soul hums with these easy inadvertent harmonies.
(fun to have an excuse to be all lovey-dovey, lol. I seldom indulge. Enjoyed your contributions muchly, Dianne and D&W)
Mental rhythms match as your thoughts slide into mine Our continuum. My soul hums in harmony, Starts moving in counterpoint.
* I really dislike the thought of making it any more overt than this. Love poetry should be written in absentia as really it makes little sense to be writing to someone who is with you, or longing for what you have.
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Post by Reilley on Oct 12, 2011 15:08:48 GMT -6
Night winds cross the miles as our digital words fly bounding where you are and all the lonely distance that divides husband and wife.
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Post by Brigid Briton on Oct 12, 2011 15:11:47 GMT -6
Hiya d&w,
Thanks for another great introduction, this time to tanka. Here's mine:
crimson leaves whisper tell secrets to each other as they drift apart
I, in autumn’s first sweater long to whisper mine to you
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Post by douglassguy on Oct 13, 2011 0:24:45 GMT -6
I'd never really considered writing a tanka before. Thanks for bringing it up. I started writing one but it sucked, which kept me up half the night trying to channel the tanka. Fortunately, however, from the wreckage arose three. Interestingly, the 5-7-5-7-7 morae pattern makes each tanka seem (or "feel") longer than it is. Perhaps like the haiku the pattern brings to mind a sense of meditation, a moment needed to reflect on and connect one's experiences together, as if acknowledging that since all things are connected, these poetic forms are a means of realizing and communicating those connections while giving the poet the space to feel, internalize, the expression being generated. I'm sleepy now.
Give a child a bath and the hands washing are bathed as well. Cause a child to smile and the heart washes itself like feet in a stream.
-----
Wild grass, elephants grazing with such powerful ease. Drops of water take nothing but collected give a puddle its own lake.
-----
Snowfall. Daylight made of gauze beds the landscape down. Wind loves the chimney's smoke, brushing and stroking it like hair. Dying grandmother.
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Post by dustandwater on Oct 13, 2011 1:01:37 GMT -6
Thanks to everyone for stopping by, whether you've responded or just been reading.
For those of you who are following and not writing, this week would be a great time to join in; it's a shorter simpler form than some of the others we've seen so go on, give it a shot!
For those of you who have responded already, well done.
diannet,
a very sensual piece. I really like the imagery here and the juxtaposition shrouds the metaphor just right.
heatherwordbender,
very romantic, very sentimental. You've used some nice rhetoric here, which is one of the features that makes Tanka so interesting to me.
While both of your pieces definitely capture romance and, diannet, yours has a very well presented eroticism, they're missing a large part of what the Tanka is about. Remember, the lovers that would communicate through Tanka would be kept apart because of their culture.
The poems would be romantic, erotic but also, they would include longing, yearning. Your poems are both of lovers together; they both describe physical closeness.
Reconsider that element if you can. It would also be nice to see some references to nature, such as seasons, flowers, weather, to reflect the passion of the lovers.
Both Reilley and Brigid have achieved this brilliantly.
Reilley,
the winds in yours are the perfect counterpart to the distance between separated lovers. I love the modernity of the content, "digital words". A new medium for Tanka, perhaps? I wonder about your use of 'between', since 'the lonely distance' isn't a point. Any change I can think of would effect a considerable re-write; how about:
as my digital words fly to where you're waiting across the lonely distance
What do you think? Apart from that semantic niggling, this is an excellent Tanka, Reilley. Really well done.
Brigid,
similarly, you have perfectly juxtaposed nature and longing. The whisper of falling leaves is a brilliant piece of personification, a feature that Tanka allows while other Japanese forms do not.
Unintentionally, I think, the fact that your setting is Autumn saddens me a little; the browning, falling leaves maybe represent that this relationship is struggling and will not make it? A brilliant second layer of metaphor ("We need to go deeper!").
Though it's not necessary in Tanka the way it was with Gogyohka, I think yours in particular would benefit from enjambment through first and second lines. With that in mind, what do you think to:
crimson leaves whisper their secrets to each other
Well done again, to everybody who has posted. I'm really happy to see people trying their hand at these different forms and for us all to be growing together as poets.
Keep it up!
-D&W
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Post by dustandwater on Oct 13, 2011 1:03:58 GMT -6
Ah, douglassguy, I'll get back to you later. Work beckons.
-D&W
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Post by heatherwordbender on Oct 13, 2011 5:30:27 GMT -6
D&W - Absence and the eroticism are nearly the entire thrust of this. It was a veiled reminder, balked sensuality. Though I am not at all sure I know how to make them more overt and yet still make the statement I did. I will look at it. I did not, in this, even attempt to keep the seasonal aspect.
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Post by dustandwater on Oct 13, 2011 7:27:28 GMT -6
heatherwordbender,
I don't get any sense of absence from your piece.
Matching stride for stride paints the image of two people walking side-by-side, maybe even hand in hand. Thoughts 'sliding into' one head from the other also suggests close proximity.
That's how it reads to me, anyway. Maybe others see something different?
-D&W
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Post by Reilley on Oct 13, 2011 8:45:06 GMT -6
Thanks for the nudge D&W. I've changed the word between to the word bounding, which is actually closer to the idea I was going for.
thanks again!
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Post by Brigid Briton on Oct 13, 2011 22:59:59 GMT -6
Hiya d&w, I must agree with you that I did not get a sense of separation in either Heather's or Dianne's pieces. However, with tanka, as with haiku, the traditional form has been expanded to the point that I don't think it's absolutely necessary to stick with all the traditional elements. I thought both their poems were very sensuous and well-done, even if not exactly what tradition dictates. With regard to mine, to my way of thinking it's six of one, half dozen of the other whether enjambment works better than my version. I really don't feel strongly about it either way.
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Post by diannet on Oct 13, 2011 23:26:42 GMT -6
I must admit I totally forgot the seasonal or natural element and also the hint of separation, although I am not dismayed at the result. I may try another to get the traditional elements into the work. Douglassguy, I just wanted to say I love your
Wild grass, elephants grazing with such powerful ease. Drops of water take nothing but collected give a puddle its own lake.
it's just beautiful.
I can see how the traditional elements work well particularly in Reilley's and Brigid's.
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Post by dustandwater on Oct 14, 2011 13:56:51 GMT -6
douglassguy,
apologies for the delayed reply.
I liked reading your musings on the form. You might be interested to know that the Tanka was once used as the opening phase of a longer form called Rengu. Over time, Tanka was given its own spotlight. It does have that sense of carrying more content than it's brevity in lines might suggest.
I think what makes it so contemplative is the use of juxtaposition between the emotional and the physical, often with natural themes. In creating this connection, we - the poets - are forced to consider our emotions in different terms and likewise, to view the world from a different perspective to that which we might usually.
Your responses to the focus session are very interesting all three but I don't know that they really fit into the traditional mold of the Tanka.
Incidentally, there is some discussion here already about following and not following these traditional guidelines. While I am a bit of a traditionalist myself, I generally say, "experiment! Feel free!". However, for these focus sessions I would urge people to try to stay within the confines. Use this board as a starting point, a foundation. Then, once you are really familiar and comfortable with the form as it was intended, go off and adapt it as you wish.
That said, I would say that yours, douglassguy, are really just 5-line poems. maybe closer to Gogyohka than Tanka (though not really that, either). The third is probably the closest interns of content; it has a good strong juxtaposition with the introduction of the Grandmother at the end, it is more emotional than the others and also it presents a sense of sorrow - not quite 'missing' but rather foreboding - but the content doesn't fit with the purpose of the traditional Tanka.
The same goes for the first piece, which does employ some very nice metaphor in the latter part but doesn't sing of romance or longing, nor does it reference nature.
The second piece, I must admit, has passed right over my head. I don't see the link between the two phases and I don't understand the metaphor in the latter. It seems to have struck a chord with diannet, though, so it may well just be me that's missing something. Either way, I wouldn't really call it Tanka.
I would recommend you taking a look at the first session in the Form Focus boards; there I explored Gogyohka, which might suit your intentions a little better. Pop by and see what you think.
-D&W
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Post by dustandwater on Oct 14, 2011 13:57:47 GMT -6
Reilley,
the rewrite, while minor, works much better.
Great job!
-D&W
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Post by dustandwater on Oct 14, 2011 14:00:33 GMT -6
diannet,
you should certainly not be dismayed at the poem you have written here.
It is absolutely fantastic as a five-line poem. Wonderfully veiled eroticism that is difficult to achieve. Makes me think very much of the Tanka by Izumi Shikibu (one of which I included in the examples above).
Just missing a couple of the important elements to really be considered Tanka.
-D&W
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Post by heatherwordbender on Oct 14, 2011 15:41:41 GMT -6
Just adding here...there's nothing I see to do with this write to make my write better conform to what you are looking for. If I come up with something I will add it separately. And, as I understand D&W wishes to adhere as closely as possible to traditional forms, I will look to including the seasonal aspect. I have to admit though -to me, the sending of love poetry in and of itself implies distance. And that much is implied in the traditional form. I have trouble coupling the idea of proximity and mailing notes. Perhaps that is just my perspective, but...if tanka be clandestine love letter...I assume the sender and recipient are not together, obviating the need to state it plainly
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Post by Brigid Briton on Oct 14, 2011 19:58:47 GMT -6
Hi Heather, If I understand the form correctly, the distance between the two people should be expressed within the tanka, rather than just implied. I think that is the whole point of this form. Your poem is written in the present tense, without any word to indicate the separation, and I doubt than anyone would understand that the two lovers are separated. That doesn't make it a bad poem, or even a bad tanka, with the modern expansion of the form---it just isn't a traditional tanka. I happen to like what you wrote very much so I wouldn't worry about trying to make it "fit," however, I would like to see you take another stab at it, with a brand new tanka, incorporating the traditional elements. I bet you could do a bang-up job.
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Post by heatherwordbender on Oct 14, 2011 21:58:15 GMT -6
wiki.answers.com/Q/Haiku_and_tanka_of_RKSinghDid some searching and researching and this article expresses the history of tanka as I learned it. Delivered by discreet courier. It is not expressing distance, per se, but wiling away the hours between clandestine meetings which was the focus during its popularity as a courtly pursuit. Reaffirming attachment while separated. The older forms were neither so strict as to content nor in any way specific to correspondence between lovers. What I wrote was intended to be very strictly within this context, one. And two, the thrust of it was that "Even apart, we are together", the reminders of continued communion while apart evocative of that which is only possible while together. It seems like nothing more than beleaguering a point to state, in a love note delivered to pass the hours of separation, that there is separation. Even more so when the person addressed is a lover who presumably knows he is not there. Of course there is no argument that the feeling of separation was not conveyed if you did not feel it. But if we are to be writing in the context of 'love poetry between separated lovers' further indication that it IS such should be unnecessary. Or stated conversely: I could write a love poem, tanka, with veiled eroticism, which indicated to the readers that my lover was not near, but that would not really mimic the traditional courtly tanka which is the particular iteration I believe we were to be pursuing.
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Post by dustandwater on Oct 14, 2011 22:02:20 GMT -6
Yeah, Brigid, I agree;
As I said initially, heatherwordbender, I did really like your response. To include all elements of the traditional Tanka would require quite a considerable re-write and, as you worried, would probably remove most of what you wanted to say.
It's a great 5-line poem, and possibly a modernisation of the form, but it would still be nice to see you tackle the Tanka with all of it's qualities. I don't know about you, but it always feels good to me when I manage to keep to the rules and produce a good poem, while maintaining tradition. Have another go? For me?
-D&W
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