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Post by douglassguy on Oct 17, 2011 20:11:58 GMT -6
Continuing my research on the tanka I discovered a number of styles and techniques that were used by ancient Japanese poets to compose their tankas. Of the styles and techniques, one of them seemed to crack the shell for me. It's the style called koto shikarubeki ("appropriate statement"). I quote the description here: a poem should be composed so that [it] seems to glide as smoothly as a drop of water rolling down the length of a five-foot iris leaf. There were nine other styles and techniques discussed here (http://www.ahapoetry.com/tanka%20techniques.html) and they are all lovely and challenging, but this one seemed the most challenging because it speaks of the effort required to leave narrative out of the work, which is a western habit. Having this style in mind while composing these three attempts helped me focus on the traditional tanka we've been discussing. Whether or not the focus succeeded I leave you to decide. I can't see the cranes in the fog calling out for mates, but echoes of longing leave the marsh and walk through the woods to my cabin. ----- Fishing village at dusk, frogs croon in the bay, nets are strung up to dry even if there was no catch. I live in a quiet house. ----- Snowfall spreads through the valley, the hunter watches rabbit tracks become wolf's. The eagle returns to its nest, the wind howls all night.
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Post by heatherwordbender on Oct 17, 2011 20:42:44 GMT -6
Douglas, I have taken liberties here. (And with D&W as well) I altered your phrasing to one which is consistent with Japanese poetry. Merely illustration. One of the fundaments of Japanese verse is 'breath' ...the reason behind the 5-7 etc stipulations as to meter, the reason behind the stipulation that enjambement is to be avoided. The line breaks where a speaker naturally breathes, where the ebb and flow of conversation has its break. Splitting a prepositional phrase is antithetical to what they are striving to achieve. I can't see the cranes in the fog calling out for mates. Echoes of longing leave the marsh and walk through the woods to my cabin. ----- Fishing village at dusk, frogs croon in the bay, nets are strung up to dry, even if there was no catch. I live in a quiet house. ----- Snowfall spreads through the valley, the hunter watches rabbit tracks become wolf's. The eagle returns to its nest, the wind howls all night. Hoping that all here are curious enough about the form to forgive me my interjections...my background makes this a bit nearer and dearer to me than it otherwise would be.
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Post by dustandwater on Oct 18, 2011 20:23:28 GMT -6
diannet,
Excellent! I would say this is perfect - great content and brilliant line structure.
Great work, really!
-D&W
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Post by dustandwater on Oct 18, 2011 20:42:40 GMT -6
douglassguy,
I think heatherwordbender has given you some good notes there, in terms of line structure.
Well done, heatherwordbender for that.
Her reshuffles definitely work better for the sense of 'breath' or 'poetic phrase' that Tanka, like much other Japanese poetry, employs. However, it compromises the expected line length.
Since we have moved towards the more real and modern realm of English Tanka through the course of this discussion (also note that the correspondence about technique referred to in the link you provided date some 300 years later than the birth of Tanka), content has become more flexible and the exact syllable count is not necessary. Nevertheless, the structure should still observe: short long short long long
A further reshuffle would be needed then to properly balance the first two lines of the third Tanka in your set.
I would still say though, that the first one especially is a little too narrative.
As heatherwordbender has mentioned, the Tanka encourages that there be an element of the unexpected in the poem, a faint abstraction between the two parts. That said, Tanka frowns upon absolute abstraction just as much as it does rhyming.
Therefore, the perfect Tanka should have two elements that one would not naturally assume to be connected but that seem obvious once the poet has done so.
Hope that gives you some food for thought. It's great to see you keep coming back and that you've done your own research into a form you had originally not been particularly interested in. It was interesting to read your link concerning some of the developments of Tanka.
I applaud your efforts, douglassguy!
-D&W
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Post by dustandwater on Oct 18, 2011 20:45:01 GMT -6
heatherwordbender, I don't mind your input at all.
It's good to see people getting involved and also I'm glad to have learned something more of the form myself through the discourse.
Great work!
-D&W
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Post by douglassguy on Oct 18, 2011 23:11:19 GMT -6
Thank you all. This has been not only educational, but delightful. As with any habit, enjambents die hard, but in light of koto shikarubeki and other considerations to the form, it is essential for the faithfulness of the form. Your endurance is commendable, your education appreciated, and I will continue researching and practicing the form.
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Post by heatherwordbender on Oct 19, 2011 9:45:13 GMT -6
My last course in Japanese poetry was nearly 25 years ago and I very much enjoyed the review. Interesting too, not only all the things I'd forgotten, but disparities between the varieties of tanka in English and Japanese. Things which were given in the Japanese websites and resources on the subject as most integral to the composition of them were barely touched on in English writings. I do want to add my thanks to all of you for your patience. Or understanding or whatever category it might fall under. In some things I've a bit too much of the 'Elephant Child' in me...and my nose just HAD to be stuck into this particular Limpopo. Great, grey, green and greasy, it has me transfixed.
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