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Post by Brigid Briton on Apr 30, 2014 7:46:32 GMT -6
Pretty poem, Cory. I guess I'll have to drag myself out of bed early, if I want to catch Venus in her morning act.
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Post by Brigid Briton on Apr 29, 2014 7:12:53 GMT -6
A lovely image, eiken. Hope you're Spring is as beautiful as your tribute.
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Post by Brigid Briton on Apr 29, 2014 7:01:03 GMT -6
Hi Di,
This is lovely. I especially like the contradiction of "beautifully bruised".
An idea occurred to me. Since you personify (which I loved!) the world and the day (with cheek and tear and blink) how would it be to personify once again, with the sky, saying something like "to face the darkness" in the last line? Just a thought.
You have a truly unique and beautiful poetic voice.
Brigid
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Post by Brigid Briton on Apr 28, 2014 17:05:08 GMT -6
In a dream I hear you murmur my name but when I open my eyes there is only the cat purring on my pillow.
This is in response to today's #micropoetry prompt: "murmur"
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Post by Brigid Briton on Apr 28, 2014 9:55:05 GMT -6
Well, since you're waxing baseballish, I hope you hit a grand slam!
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Post by Brigid Briton on Apr 25, 2014 8:14:59 GMT -6
Yay Reilley, for being ever-topical and timely. Lucky for me and my late response, trees will be around for a long time. A very nice tribute to our leafy friends.
Brigid
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Post by Brigid Briton on Apr 25, 2014 8:12:28 GMT -6
Hi Dan,
An inspirational poem, for sure. Just goes to show that we're (almost) never too old to become a part of history. Glad you ran your way into the elite group who have participated in a marathon (or two, or twenty!)
Brigid
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Post by Brigid Briton on Apr 25, 2014 8:05:50 GMT -6
Hi Reilley,
This should be a great way to kick off an open mic event, provided you don't baffle you audience in the process with some of your more, shall we say, esoteric words.
I love the phrase "tracks of potential" that the little masked poetry Robin Hood left behind.
Any chance the open mic session might appear on YouTube?
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Post by Brigid Briton on Apr 25, 2014 8:00:00 GMT -6
Reilley, you are too funny! A ripe fig of poetry! Now I'm craving figs!
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Post by Brigid Briton on Apr 24, 2014 18:32:39 GMT -6
Yikes, Kara! I didn't mean for this to be met with "strong silence pervading"! This is a typically thoughtful poem from you. Sorry I didn't see it sooner.
Brigid
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Post by Brigid Briton on Apr 24, 2014 18:27:00 GMT -6
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Post by Brigid Briton on Apr 23, 2014 13:28:35 GMT -6
Ah, Tim, it's clear that this incident touched you deeply. If only teachers (and others in authority) could feel the pain that they inflict by such careless and/or arrogant acts.
You introduced me to a word I wasn't familiar with before: "sigil". I'm not sure that it's really the one you intended to use since it's generally associated with a symbolic naming of a demon or other dark force. I'm sure that you were the farthest thing from being that as a child, as you still are today.
As a woman who has endured lots of raised eyebrows or unappreciated questioning over the years due to my desire to keep my own name when I married, I can relate to your desire to be known by your own name and not wish to have anyone modify it for you. Although things have changed greatly over the last few decades, it is still very much the norm for a woman to give up her name when she marries. How often I have cringed when a pastor introduces a newly married couple as Mr. and Mrs. Bob Smith, not only taking the bride's maiden name, but her first name from her. Bad enough if the happy couple were introduced as "Bob and Linda Smith"...but no, it seems that all traces of the former Ms. Linda Jones must be ceremonially erased.
Thank you for sharing this story with us. A name is something that is so personal, no one, especially a teacher, whose job it is to teach, should attempt to take it away from you.
Powerful poem.
Brigid
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Post by Brigid Briton on Apr 23, 2014 7:55:15 GMT -6
Bravo, Tim! It's always so good when you weigh in with your voice of poetic reason!
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Post by Brigid Briton on Apr 22, 2014 15:35:31 GMT -6
Hi Kara,
You're welcome to revise, or not. It's ultimately up to you to decide which best expresses what you wanted to say. Others can only give their reactions but no one here pretends to be a God of Poetry, or anything like that.
If you do decide to post a revision, please leave the original and post the revision above it, labeling them Original and Revision. That way, anyone coming along after the discussion can compare the two versions.
It's a pleasure having you here, a breath of fresh air through these dusty old portals!
Brigid
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Clouds
Apr 22, 2014 9:14:43 GMT -6
Post by Brigid Briton on Apr 22, 2014 9:14:43 GMT -6
Hi Sergio,
This has a lovely peacefulness about it. I'm a bit confused, though, by clouds being formed at ground level. It seems as if you're talking about fog. The latter part of the poem almost seems to be a reference to the universe, or a supreme being. I feel that you almost have three separate poems going on here. One about the fog enveloping the saguaros, one about a lover (the allusion to "eyes" and one about the creator of clouds and everything else). I like the ending where you are left speechless by whatever grandeur it was that you beheld (whether of creation or in a lover's eyes).
Since this is poetry, I won't ask you to explain, but you did leave me wondering...
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Post by Brigid Briton on Apr 22, 2014 8:25:22 GMT -6
Hi Tim,
This almost seems as if it were written about Mary Magdalene, who has definitely been given a bad rap.
This struck me with particular irony since my dear friend (and sister-in-law), Mary, died on March 31, from injuries she suffered in an accident. Although no one ever thought of her as demon or party-girl, so many of your words applied to her. She gave of her many gifts freely, touched all who knew her deeply, her presence is still very much felt, and those of us left behind are still struggling to say good-by.
(Because of my connection to Mary, I'd prefer a serene and peaceful accompaniment, but I appreciate the fact that you're working with percussion and you are, of course, talking about a different Mary altogether.)
I love that you are working so hard to keep expanding your creative options. Keep up the great work!
Brigid
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Post by Brigid Briton on Apr 21, 2014 8:24:26 GMT -6
Hi Kara,
I'm happy to have another haiku-head on board.
This is lovely and sad at the same time. To think that the end of a life might create some beautiful temporary art is very sad.
You have a wonderful way with words and I hope you will continue to follow the trail of breadcrumbs haiku leaves to be followed to many zen moments.
Brigid
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Post by Brigid Briton on Apr 21, 2014 8:20:35 GMT -6
Hi Kara, Welcome to the forum. Since you already PMd me saying you'd inadvertently posted two poems in the same category before you read the forum rules, there's no problem. I'm happy to hear a new voice and find your work very thought-provoking. I have a little bit of a nit with the last two lines: "one Easter in morning" I think "on Easter morning" or even just "one Easter morning", or similar words, would be a little more effective. This is merely a suggestion for you to take or leave as you choose. This is a great poem, calling up memories of those long-ago days when our own mythologies were summarily taken away from us...
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hunger
Apr 21, 2014 8:12:43 GMT -6
Post by Brigid Briton on Apr 21, 2014 8:12:43 GMT -6
Hi Kara,
This one has an ominous ring to it. Could be an eating disorder, a sexual addiction, a cutter's lament, or even a little voice telling the narrator to "Come to Jesus". We don't need to know the reasons behind it to be disturbed by the message. There's something there, making the narrator far less than comfortable. You've done a great job communicating that.
Brigid
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Post by Brigid Briton on Apr 21, 2014 7:55:39 GMT -6
Hi Cory and Kara, I enjoyed both your entries. Kara, welcome to our forum. I noticed that after taking this initial plunge, you became an official member. I'm so happy to see you here. You have a way of saying a lot in a few words, a woman after my own heart. Feel free to add more 5 liners about Poetry here or to post 5 liners on any topic in the 5 line section! Kara, I am a bit confused about your final two lines. If you're going to give him a poem, wouldn't he be the one doing the accepting? And I can see all sorts of reason to fear his response. It could be "Let's get married", "Sorry, I already have a girlfriend" (even though you don't like him that way) or even, "I don't get it"! Brigid
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